Writing

Fenqua's picture

Bright Eyes - Chapter Six

I don't want to loose my reputation (do I even have one?) so I wrote another chapter of BE. I always promise to write it quick and it works! Also, this is the longest chapter, almost six pages. It's getting easier and easier to fill the chapters, so there might be more than I thought before.

Have fun! Please please please listen for once to this: I LOVE CRITICS. If you give me some, I'll love you too! I really want them because they help me improve. And I'm a serious writer, so I want to improve as much as I can. I received critics on dA last week and it helped so much I want more!

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CHAPTER SIX


It was a very dull, rainy morning. Most deer stayed in bed, because there was no sun to greet them today. Nobody was bellowing, no birds were chirping. Only the ticking sound of the rain reached her ears. Fenqua loved the quietness of the forest and decided to take a stroll. Drops of rain fell upon her nose, which caused her to sneeze. She smiled faintly and headed for the pond, not thinking about anything.
Since the strange encounter with the humans, Fenqua needed to be alone. Even though she saved Micarena, the doe hadn’t been grateful at all. Instead, she seemed scared of her. Actually, Fenqua couldn’t care less, but she wasn’t going to save Micarena’s deer butt the next time. It surprised her that the doe hadn’t told anyone about the strange glowing light coming from Fenqua’s head. Usually she was the gossiping type, but she kept this for herself. Maybe because she was scared of her father’s reaction to her coming near to humans. It could also be pure egoism. When telling a story about Fenqua chasing away humans, she would attract less attention to herself, which she hated.
Verdalas's picture

Rubies in the Pond - Chapter Seven: The Morning After

OOC: I had real trouble thinking up placements for certain characters, but I've done my best. x_x I hope it doesn't come out too short or too lame. And I'm still looking for characters in the upcoming end to the story. But for now we're just past the half-way mark of the series, I would say.

Oh, and Tabitha in this chapter is written before she had a crush on Quamar.. methinks.

BUMPING. For people who haven't read it yet.

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"Hey.. Hey! Wake up already!"

A short pain rudely dragged Twenty-One from her sleep. Unwilling to rouse from the pleasant peace she had been lingering in, the doe merely grumbled and shifted her head slightly. ".. Five more minutes, Walter.."

"Walterrr?"



The voice that questioned Twenty-One's words were hardly masculine in tone, causing the sleepy female to peel open one eye. Standing over her with a raised hoof was another doe, looking seemingly surprised and bemused beneath her deer mask and stubby antlers. "You've been dreaming again!" Tabitha's sing-song voice rang out as she skipped upon the spot, her mahogany and amber fur bouncing with her excited movements. "Get up already! Quamar told me that Vipin had told him that you had told him you were telling Quamar you were staying with him!" She giggled at Twenty-One's blank look. "But you didn't show up! I found you though, I did! So get up already!"

With a yawn, the chocolate-brown doe stood up and glanced around. It was late morning, but curiously enough she was laying on the bank of the pond. She'd fallen asleep here, yes.. But yesterday.. Wasn't that just a dream?

"Come on! Come on!" Tabi hopped in a circle around Twenty-One. "Wipe away that silly look! I was told that Vipin-Whippin' wanted to see you!" Her prancing carried her off down the hill along the water's edge, down towards the shallows.
Seed's picture

Seed's Poetry Corner: A Collection

Welp, I decided to put up handy-dandy links to all of Seed's little poems. Because why not? The links will lead to the poem (or poems) in the link-text. enjoy.
(feel free to comment on any of the poems. Really.
Verdalas's picture

Rubies in the Pond - Chapter Six: The Heart of Me

OOC: This chapter is the one I've been thinking about writing the most, and I know that regardless I'm not gonna do it any justice. x_x But here I go, and hopefully you'll enjoy it, although it doesn't contain a lot of action.

BUMPING! For the people who haven't read it yet. >.>

Another quick edit.
This was released early to celebrate Walterwoman's wedding. xD The next chapter won't be out for a while, so let your minds wander on how the plot might develop. XP

Enjoy!

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"W-why.." The brown doe couldn't understand. Walter! The stag that had died, the stag's body whom she had seen with her own eyes, was standing right there! How was he alive? "Walter! I.. I thought.. I thought you were dead!" There was no reply from the now-motionless stag as he lurked over her fallen body. Nervously, at the lack of response, Twenty-One crawled backwards a little further, only triggering the stag's steps forwards. ".. Did you kill Cutlery and that fawn?" No answer. "Your own brother!" Confidence grew in the female's voice as she began to shout at Walter. "Why would you kill your own brother!?" This time, there was a reply. The stag raised a hoof and brought it slamming into the dry soil, cracking the surface without a flinch. His head rose and released a fierce bellow of fury into the night air, and from a glimpse Twenty-One could see his body was contorted and twisted like a mangy animal. Such anger, the doe had not even seen from Walter before, and as he began to approach again, her fear drove her further backwards as she tried to regain her footing.

Such fury indeed, as Walter's lip curled back in a feral snarl. There was no sanity left in the stag's mind, it seemed. The mention of his brother, the name "Cutlery".. It rang in the beast's mind as without warning he reared high onto his powerful haunches. There was no doubt in his motive as he aimed to land dead on top of Twenty-One's head.
Fenqua's picture

Bright Eyes - Chapter Five

Sorry for the long wait you guys! It's almost five pages, so enjoy it Laughing out loud

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CHAPTER FIVE


‘I still don’t accept this!’ Micarena shouted, while glaring at her parents. Her mother sighed and looked at Mythiro who stood up from his resting place. ‘Micarena, you are going to stop this instant or I’ll sacrifice you to the Twin Gods!’ After hearing that, Micarena’s eyes grew wide with fear. Would he really do such a thing?
‘Sacrifice?’ Fenqua asked curiously. ‘What does that mean, being sacrificed to the Gods?’
‘Well,’ Micarena’s mother answered, ‘it’s an old story, that deer who misbehave or don’t fit in society properly, will be sacrificed to the Twin Gods. This way, our community won’t be disturbed and we will keep the Gods happy.’
‘Isn’t that a terrible thing?’
‘It’s only a story; I have never been a witness of a real sacrificing. I guess it doesn’t exist in the cruel way I just explained.’
‘Fenqua should be sacrificed! That way, we’re all better off and I can be your sweet, happy daughter again!’ Micarena yelled. Her mother started to look pissed and walked over to her.
‘Listen young lady, I don’t want to hear ANY more from you, you understand? While she is trying her best you’re not showing any respect at all! Fenqua is your SISTER now and she will stay. If you have anything against it, you’ll be thrown out this family, not her.’
Verdalas's picture

Rubies in the Pond - Chapter Five: A Second Night's Work

OOC: off school today with a throat infection of sorts so I figure I'd let my creativity go in writing the next chapter. I probably could have done it better if I wasn't feeling crap, but meh.

Just bumping this for the people who haven't read it yet.

Enjoy!

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When Vipin was informed of the three does findings the next day, he was both relieved and worried. For one, they were safe, but still, another fawn had it's life taken away. It couldn't happen again, so he strictly forbid any deer to be alone during the long nights, especially the young and vunerable.
"Lieka, I want you to stay around the Triangle." He had told her, hoping that some sort of magical solution would reveal itself there to the Queen. As for Twenty-One, he decided, she would take a break and let someone else take over for a while.

And so it was decided, as Ada and Lieka bid farewell and trotted off together towards the birch forest, Twenty-One was left to stand under the Oak with the magpie stag. In the few hours left of the daytime, they planned a burial for the fawn who lost it's life. An orphan, it had seemed to be, since no mother had come forwards to claim her lost child.

When it finally began to grow darker, and the orange glow of sunset hit the Forest, Vipin nodded to Twenty-One. "It grows dark now. You should go and try to rest a little. Make sure you're not alone either!" Alone. The word dawned heavily upon the chocolate-brown doe. She had nearly always slept alone beneath her favourite spot amongst the poppies, being neighbour to a now-deceased Walter. The next closest stag was Quamar though, and the female was positive that he wouldn't mind putting her up for the night. So with her mind set, the doe bowed gracefully to Vipin and set out into the dusk, heading around in the direction of the Ename and towards Quamar's sleeping location.

As she trotted, Twenty-One's mind wandered to a place she had discovered not too long ago in the Birch forest.
Verdalas's picture

Rubies in the Pond - Chapter Four: All In A Night's Work

Another crappy chapter from me. Hopefully it provides more entertainment than the last one though, so enjoy. The links to the other chapters will be found on my 'Story Links' blog entry, along with any time I want to call up people for more characters.

Enjoy!

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Once again another night, as still as the one of the murder, had finally dawned upon the mysterious Forest. Small black bats fluttered in swarms from tree to tree, seeking sanctuary from the sudden sound of cloven hooves which filled the air. Together, Lieka and Twenty-One were slowly trotting side-by-side, ears standing high and eyes sharp. If this monster was out tonight, they would need to be ready to spring in a split second. Still, hanging around behind them and taking advantage of the tree cover, Ada quietly followed the pair as they searched. Dressed in her usual deer mask and stumpy doe antlers, her burgendy pelt provided suitable camoflague too, despite the odd markings which resembled a butterfly so closely.

The young doe watched closely and listened intently to the conversation.
"Where should we start looking?"
"Let's plan a route and go from there."
As quiet as her small feet could make her, Ada remained constantly alert as the pair discussed out a path where they could search. For what, the young doe didn't understand, but nevertheless she was more than willing to follow the pair rather than hanging around on her own in the darkness. Her fear of the shadows between the trees was too much for her to bear by herself, especially when the sound of the word "murderer" came drifting to her ears from Lieka's lips.

"If the murderer is a deer.." The Queen spoke, turning her grey eyes onto Twenty-One, ".. What can we do to stop them in future? Would he be prosecuted and put to death as punishment?" Her voice carried worry; nothing like this had ever been dealt with in the Forest before, and with any hope it wouldn't happen ever again after the suspect was caught.
Fenqua's picture

Bright Eyes - Chapter Four

HERE IT IS! Behave kiddies, now I have brought you a new chapter full of pleasant reading and cookies... X3 *weird*

Oh, I'm not afraid of critics! So negative comments (with good arguments!) are welcome.

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CHAPTER FOUR

‘HEY! Where do you think you’re going?’ an angry voice shouted. Fenqua heard hooves pounding to the ground while the voice was getting louder. It was only minutes ago since her fight with the doe, which had looked more like a trash. Even though she finally let her anger out, she wasn’t happy with it. She was afraid the herd would banish her, after hearing a sob story from the other doe. Fenqua actually thought she wouldn’t need that, her wounds and bruises already said enough.
Suddenly she stopped and looked over her shoulder. Tears were still streaming down her pretty face, which was already showing the beauty of an adult female. The other deer slowed down and approached her.
‘W-who are y-you?’ Fenqua asked stuttering.
‘My name is not important. The point is, why did you beat up my daughter?’ Fenqua thought his eyes were glowing red from anger, she knew he was almost at the point of revenging his daughter.
‘I-I’m s-sorry. I-I lost c-control.’
‘You can say that all right! But I want to know the reason why you hurt her so much. Well, if there’s a reason, you really look like the kind that would trash her for fun.’
Fenqua was amazed. Why would he say such a thing? She understood he was angry, but she wasn’t an aggressive deer at all. In fact, she had a pretty quiet nature. And she hadn’t got in a fight before, so his opinion lacked arguments. Fenqua became all warm inside, as if her blood was boiling. She looked up with a fierce look in her eyes.
‘You don’t have the right to judge me like that!’
‘Oh yes I do. You almost killed my baby girl, for the Gods their sake.’
Fenqua's picture

Bright Eyes - Chapter Three

CHAPTER THREE

Two months had passed since Orphrite died. Still, the herd hadn’t found anyone to take his place. Before his sudden death, they thought Nimlin would make a fair chance, but because of her impulsive action that was out of the question. Her so called mission had failed, the position of does only got worse. Because Nimlin was one of the better does, the stags thought the other ones would be too impulsive and reckless to serve in their little army.
Even though most does accepted their position, Nimlin wasn’t pleased. Even Fenqua started to think about their decision, which wasn’t fair at all. She believed gender didn’t matter in this case. Abilities mattered, intelligence mattered. And not only stags possessed this, next to the fact that not even all stags possessed it. Qualities were divided amongst does and stags, Fenqua believed. She wondered if she could somehow prove it…

During these months, Fenqua had grown a lot and the white spots on her fawn pelt started to disappear. Her face was starting to look much older and wiser. Even though she had never been clumsy, her movements became more graceful. Also, Nimlin had started their training again, hoping that Fenqua would restore the doe’s pride. She had become harsher during these months and her training had only become harder. Fenqua was guessing that Nimlin chased her in order to increase her speed, so she would be the fastest doe in the herd. Or maybe even the fastest deer. Due to her training, Fenqua had no time to look for Skokey and this concerned her. She still had the feeling he was in danger, but Nimlin just wouldn’t leave her alone until she was exhausted and had to sleep. Otherwise, she wouldn’t survive the next day.
Verdalas's picture

Rubies in the Pond [Discontinued]






NOTICE:: Although I am taking my leave from the TEFc, I will be leaving this here.



All illustrations in my fanfiction are done by the fabulous Ephra.

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Prologue: Click! - Illustrated

Chapter One - Discovery: Click! - Illustrated

Chapter Two - Crying Idols: Click! - Illustrated

Chapter Three - Following Sorrow: Click! - Illustrated

Chapter Four - All in a Night's Work: Click! - Illustrated

Chapter Five - A Second Night's Work: Click! - Illustrated

Chapter Six - The Heart of Me: Click!- Illustrated

Chapter Seven - The Morning After: Click! - Illustrated

Chapter Eight - Her Choice: Click!

Chapter Nine - Found: Click!

Chapter Ten - Chasing Dreams: Click!

Chapter Eleven - Rubies in the Pond: Click!


[b]Chapter Twelve - Empathy Resonance:
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