x)

This is just a little something I need to post, because I've been pretty upset lately, and I just need something to look at when I get into another one of those situations.

As you guys probably know, this year has been pretty bad for me. I lost my Dad to cancer in July, and then in August my 22 year old cousin died of heart failure. Since then, I have literally felt like I've been going insane, little by little. I have been having bad nightmares as well as bad hallucinations before I sleep, I've been losing interest in things I used to love, and small things have been making me angry.

I've been losing sight of my dreams and goals, being more concerned lately with comparing myself to others and seeing myself as a complete failure. I know this is wrong to do, but it's hard for me not to. I see these beautiful artworks that you guys make on this community, and feel so ashamed with myself that I can't make anything that beautiful on my own. I write stories but I've convinced myself that they're utter crap compared to the artwork done on this community.

I need help.

I need this topic so that I can refer to it when I've become depressed again. When I lose hope, when I can't think straight.

Anything you'd want to tell me is very appreciated. Anything at all.

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To myself from Quad:



"Never forget who you are. Never lose sight of what you want to do.

Men do not differ much about what things they will call evils; they differ enormously about what evils they will call excusable." -- GK Chesterton

We all make choices. Most choices don't really matter. They are just a preference one has. It is when we have to make a choice between two evils that we find out how we think. We like to think we are one way or the other. We are not. If we view ourself as evil, a rule breaker because we just like to get a reaction out of everyone, or feel we are entitled to take advantage because of circumstances allow us we become disoriented when we find ourselves touched by someone or something and we suddenly become benevolent and caring. If we view ourselves as good, a follower of the rules just because they are there, and we tend to sacrifice our self and needs for others, we become disoriented when we find ourselves touched by someone or something and we suddenly become malevolent and callous. Good and evil live side by side inside our conscience and unconscience mind. It is often in group interactions that our dark side comes out. We do things to ourselves and others we normally would not do. In these times a new element of anonimity is added because of the internet. It is a veil, a thin one, but it is a veil which gives us an illusion of the ability to do things without being known. We may not know each others given names, but we always know each other by our choices.

The game has many mirrors. The pond in its waters reflect the surrounding landscape. It is not a direct reflection. It is muddled and a little less clear. The Twin Gods are a reflection of each other. The white pelt it gives reflects every other white pelt given. The skins, masks, and antlers only have so many combinations and so upon occasion you find a similar deer to yourself, a reflection visually, but you notice each others behavior is different.

LIST IS CLOSED!! However if you have a character with ** on the list, let me know if you do or do not want them included in this.

I want to make sure I have included everyone important on this:

One of the Christmas Stories I will be writing is a christmas party for the evil characters of the Endless Forest. I want to make sure I got everyone anyway (don't want to make anyone mad if I don't include their characters).

http://www.livestream.com/zergdoodles

I completely missed my 1 year on TEF.
Figures I would with it being so close to the busy time of the year.
Ah well, Happy late birthday/TEF anniversary to me.