An IRL update...bad news about Dad... (R.I.P. 7/24/10)

quadraptor's picture
Hey guys, I think I mentioned to a few of you before that my Dad was going through some tough times with cancer. If I haven't told you what was going on, here's basically what has happened:

Dad developed cancer last year. They tried chemotherapy and it helped but didn't get rid of it, so they operated on him. The operation was successful, and he had two colostomies put in.

We thought everything was fine, and then he developed liver cancer. They originally said that it was the kind where they could remove that part of his liver and it would regenerate, but instead they decided to do more chemotherapy.

Well, weeks went by, and the chemo didn't help. Didn't hurt, but it didn't do anything to the cancer.

Today, they said that his cancer has spread to pretty much everywhere in his lower stomach area, and that there's nothing more they can do. Operating on him would be useless since it's spread so much. They will continue to do chemotherapy to try to help him out, but as far as fixing it, it's not going to happen.

So all the grief and trouble we've gone through trying to make my dad better has gone to waste. The doctor didn't give him a life expectancy, but now we can pretty much say that it's only a matter of time. What I understand is that if the liver fails, his brain could shut down.

It's really hard to think about, especially since this month I'll be in the western US for four weeks. This could be my last week to spend with him happens during my trip. I'm praying not, I'm hoping that I'll be able to come home in June and he'll still be here watching sports and telling me game show trivia. I'm really hoping so.

Please, if you get the time, keep my dad and my family in your prayers. It'll really help, no matter what happens.

Please read the updates in the comments, but Dad passed away on 7/24/10 at about 5:30 AM.

I know he's at peace and am glad he isn't suffering anymore. He was 67 years old, and was a great man.

phantomhelsing's picture

:C I've had to watch two very

:C I've had to watch two very close relatives of mine die from cancer...I know where you're coming from *hugs*

I'll be thinking of you guys <3
day4's picture


All of you are in my prayers <3
Kaoori's picture

oh Quad.. I'm so sorry. This

oh Quad.. I'm so sorry. This made me cry.
You're all in my prayers and thoughts.

Quad that's so horrible, I

Quad that's so horrible, I hope so so much that you'll make it home to spend some time with your dad. I also hope he can be comfortable and that this can be as easy as possible for everyone in your family. Hang in there Quad, we're here if you need us.
quadraptor's picture

Dad's in good spirits, that's

Dad's in good spirits, that's the good thing about this situation. He said that when the Lord is ready for him, he's ready too, but he still wants to do what he can to keep himself alive. That's why they're going to continue to do the chemotherapy - it may not cure him, but if it keeps him here longer, then why not?

Thanks, everyone. It really means a lot to me.

Oh Quad Im so sorry

Oh Quad Im so sorry

That's good to hear he's

That's good to hear he's feeling in good spirits, that's the best thing for him really.
Don't worry about it Quad, s'what we do! C:

Im glad he is in good

Im glad he is in good spirits.
May the Lord watch over you both and your family.
Were always here for you quad.
You all will be in my prayers
Sonata's picture

this... ah ;-; bes wishes to

ah ;-;

bes wishes to you, and your family, quad
trigger_mortis's picture

I'll be thinking good

I'll be thinking good thoughts for you and your father. It's an awful thing to feel so powerless in the face of a disease, particularly when it is in someone we love.


We're all here for you, always.
toboe's picture

I remember us talking about

I remember us talking about this.
You will both be in my thoughts. I wish him so well, love. And you as well.
Pegasicorn's picture

*offers hugs*

*offers hugs*

I'll send up a prayer for

I'll send up a prayer for him.
Maybe I can flag it as 'urgent' ;;

*hugs to all*
Laruna's picture

I'll keep you and your family

I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, Quad... Sad <3
quadraptor's picture

Thank you all. Its times

Thank you all. Its times like this that I'm glad I came to this community.

If you were wondering about the photo above -

I took Dad across Mobile Bay to Spanish Fort, AL. He had wanted a hamburger for a long time so we picked up some fast food and stopped at this little visitor's center that looks like a brick fort. It was windy but the meal was really good.

We did a little shopping afterward. I took him to Bass Pro Shops so I could pick up a few camping supplies for my trip. They have a laser shooting gallery that we love to play, and my dad is ridiculously good at it. He'll score in the 400's and I usually score around 250. After that, we went to World Market. He didn't buy anything but he likes to look at all the stuff there.

I'm glad that I'm writing down what happened that day, I don't know if I'll ever forget it, but I wanted to spend time with him since he had been stuck at home for so long, and I know he really enjoyed the trip.

Friday both my mom and I are off from work, so we're thinking about doing something together. It's a shame our money situation hasn't been that great (we don't have as much to spend because of Dad having to retire), but I know that anything we do will be fun and meaningful.

Sigh...I really want to write a little, but I don't want it to become vent writing...

Also, this song has been playing in my head all day. Don't know if it has any meaning but I really like listening to it.

Whyss's picture

Keeping you and your whole

Keeping you and your whole family in prayer, Quad. Sorry times are so tough.

Ugh, I'm sorry, I don't know

Ugh, I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. Sad
quaesting's picture


Verycrazygirl's picture

Quad... ;_; *Hugstight*

Quad... ;_; *Hugstight*

I'm truly sorry to hear this,

I'm truly sorry to hear this, deary. You and he are in my thoughts. <3 -huggle-

There's something about your father's eyes. When I looked at the pic above, I saw something.
I don't know what it was, but I started to cry. ;;
Fincayra's picture

I'm in tears myself. I'm so

I'm in tears myself. I'm so sorry, Quad...
You and your father are in my prayers. ♥

Quad, I wish you... I don't

Quad, I wish you... I don't know what to wish you.

As said before, your family and yourself are in my heart. I wish that you can be happy with the time left.
Tuhka's picture

I really don't know what to

I really don't know what to say. News like this are shocking.... Sad
As you might have noticed, we're all here for you. I wish only the best for you and your family, Quad.
*hugs tight*
Spyrre's picture

Awful... I´m so sorry for

Awful... I´m so sorry for you.

I'm so sorry, Quad, I really

I'm so sorry, Quad, I really am. I don't know what to say other than you, your dad and the rest of your family really are in my thoughts :c <3333...
Aegle's picture

Your dad and your whole

Your dad and your whole family will be in my prayers. <3
fayne's picture

Waaaaaaah Quad.

Waaaaaaah Quad. <3333333
gloryofdeerforever's picture

Praying for your dad

Praying for your dad <3
There's no way to express this through smileys...
Bylah's picture

Your father is in my thoughts

Your father is in my thoughts and prayers, and my well-wishes go out to you and your family.

*Hugs* I'll keep your dad and

*Hugs* I'll keep your dad and family in thoughts, I wish you all the best of luck. <3 :c
quadraptor's picture

I apologize for this, but I

I apologize for this, but I really need to vent.

We talked earlier tonight about the worst case scenario, and we've decided that if Dad does pass while I'm on my trip, that I'm going to stay out there and finish my course instead of being sent home.

That means that these could be the last three days I get to spend with my Dad. I'm leaving early Monday morning, and will be gone for four weeks. There's no telling what will happen during that time.

It's hard. It's really hard. I wish there was another way around it, but I gotta get this trip done. I mean %@#^ I just spent $2,500 on fees and tuition to go, and if I don't go now then I'll have to put off my graduation.

Dammit, they're saying Dad not even make it to my graduation. The %^@#ing doctor said he might not even make it to his birthday this month. We don't know when.

Well...I hope he is still here when I get back. My parents want to go on a trip in June to a reservation in northern Alabama. I hope they get to do so, I really hope Dad gets to enjoy a couple of days on a vacation before the time comes.

It really scares me though, thinking that I might get a phone call while I'm out in the western US, and that there's no way I would be able to go home in time to be there.

Auruaagh I wish there was no such thing as cancer. It's done terrible things to our family, why does it have to end like this? What would it be like waking up and Dad's not eating eggs, asking me to get the dishwasher, being himself? What would it be like coming home and he's not there?

Dammit, I'm sorry, I can't do this. It tears me apart just writing it down.

I have to enjoy Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. There's no reason for me not to.

Oh, damn, that has to be

Oh, damn, that has to be scary. I can't even imagine what it would be like... I just know I feel sad reading this. If it was me, I don't think I could even stand to leave, even after spending that money, I just wouldn't be able to do it. Never mind the fact that I don't think I could handle being so far away from my family in the first place.

I wish I could think of something to say...

I wish the best of luck for

I wish the best of luck for you and your family.
Mobliz's picture

Yeah, mom called me last

Yeah, mom called me last night and hit me with all that too. She told me that too, if something happened while you were gone, that they wouldn't have you fly back. She also told me that you, matt, and i wouldn't be a pallbearer at his funeral. i didn't expect to get hit with all that, but i guess it's better to get it out of the way now and not later. be thankful that atleast you have gotten to spend time with him these past years... since i moved up here in 2006, i've only gotten to spend a couple weeks a year with him. i'm always worried at work when i see i have a missed call from mom, that it's "the call" and i'm going to have to pack up quick and drive 7 hours down there. the feeling you have now as you're going on your trip is the same feeling i've delt with since i've moved up here. all i can say is enjoy your trip. he doesn't act like anything is going to happen, so focus on what you're supposed to get done down there. take lots of pictures, because this is an opportunity of a life time and 10 years from now you'll want to look back at what you did. mom and dad know this is important time for you, so take advantage of it.
Seed's picture


Vala 's picture

My deerest Quad ...I don't

My deerest Quad ...I don't know wat to say ...I give you lots off hugs <<33
" ~ Lady in Red ~ "

♥ ♥

Quad Im really,really

Quad Im really,really honestly sorry. Your situation sucks,and I know It must be hell.Please enjoy the remaining days with your father.And if you do receive a call telling you the bad news while your away know that your father will always be with you. And that he is proud of you and would want you to finish what you started and succeed with whatever you do in life.
I know the situation of knowing that this will happen,but not knowing when is something that is constantly on your mind.But try to think on the happy memories that you and your father shared,remember his smile and his laughter.

This is based on my belief as a Christian is that when someone dies. We are separate from seeing them with our eyes. Yet we can feel their prescence around us. Kinda like we now God is around but we cant see Him but we know He is there And then when we die and go to heaven its like we finally get to see them even though they never really left spiritually in the first place.

I hope I did not step over any boundaries.
But my heart goes out to you,and your family,and you will always be in my thoughts and prayers.
quadraptor's picture

7/12/10 - Well, Dad just got

7/12/10 -

Well, Dad just got his latest test results back and, as we feared, the medicine hasn't done anything. His cancer has infected more of his organs, and the doctors said that there was nothing more they could do. The chemotherapy has made him feel like total crap, and didn't do anything anyway.

So now the final decision is "Quality over Quantity". They're going to give him pain medication but otherwise they're not going to do any more for his cancer. Dad wants us to just forget about the cancer and enjoy him as if it's not going on.

So that's what we're doing now. I wish there was better news, but quite frankly, we haven't had any since he got the cancer. While everything has become really tough for me and my family, I will try my best not to let it affect Quad or my writing.

It really helps talking about it here. You guys are some of the closest friends I've ever had. Even classmates of mine are more like acquaintances to me. That's why I'm letting you guys know.
Cyaneus's picture

I don't know you very well

I don't know you very well but I wish you and your family the best, Quad. I hope every moment you spend together is a great one.

Seed's picture

*hug* I wish I knew what to

I wish I knew what to say. I guess I can only hope that the quality:quantity ratio is the best one possible for all of you in this situation.

I wish all the happiness in

I wish all the happiness in the world for your dad and all your family, he sounds like a really great guy. Now we know where you get it from! Smiling
Hraeth's picture

I wish I could say something

I wish I could say something that would make everything better, or at least, alright. I know how difficult it is to go through something like you and your family is. One of my closest friends' mother passed in just the same way.

Don't dwell on it, Quad. Do as you plan to do and as your father wishes. It's really the best course of action, I think. Enjoy your time with him. Spend the days smiling and laughing. You and your family's in my thoughts and prayers. <3

I wish I knew what to say. I

I wish I knew what to say. I don't know what I'd do in a situation like this...
I think you're doing the right thing, though.
Verycrazygirl's picture

*Hugs tight*

*Hugs tight*

Tally's picture

My grandmother has terminal

My grandmother has terminal cancer too. So.. I know how you feel. <3 I'm so sorry.
Fledermaus's picture

-squeezy hugs-

-squeezy hugs-
Kiraki's picture

*hugs* ~

*hugs* ~<3
Aegle's picture

(No subject)

Laruna's picture

-deer nuzzles and hugs-

Sad -deer nuzzles and hugs-
Flyleaf's picture

Even when it affects your

Even when it affects your writing or playing ; we all here won't be angry or so !!
Feel free to act how you feel !!
And ... Big "Huggle" !
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