2016, in my opinion, has been dictated by an entitled and self-serving attitude that makes me feel bitter about pretty much everything about the world I live in. All the negative noise seems much louder than the positive and the good, but from what I've experienced this year personally... it's not so much that it's louder, it's that we consciously choose to listen to it over everything else. There's this desire to go out of our way and do one of two things: to argue and to prove it - whatever it is - wrong, or, to take it to heart and retreat. I did the latter for years.

As some of you may or may not know, I lost my job suddenly last Christmas and was forced into taking the scary step into the self-employed world of Graphic Design. Did I know what I was doing? Haha no of course not, nobody really does. But as soon as I did it, looking back on the choices I made to avoid doing anything to do with my uni qualification suddenly became very clear. I chose to listen to the very few people who spoke negatively of me and my work at University and gradually, ever so slowly... I stopped drawing. I stopped collecting adverts and wanting to buy books of logos to look at, I stopped doodling, I stopped everything. Every drawing I did decide to make became hard, even commissions. My mother has her own business and I've always been in charge of her branding, and even that became hard. I would suddenly have a short temper and snap at her for asking me to do things that were well within my ability. There are other effects to, and I'm still working through this type of anxiety now that I understand it.
But essentially I began to hate the industry because of the - in hindsight - few stupid comments and put downs I received from my peers who were just shitty human beings. But for some reason, I cared about what they thought, and didn't care so much about LITERALLY EVERYONE TELLING ME I WAS GOOD AT SOMETHING.

Looking back now, I feel so stupid.

Something of a personal bio/blog for me. IDFK what I am doing with this.

Have candles shown up in the forest recently? I've been waiting around since early december and no sign of them.

Or are they a lost relic like the dotd pelt at this time?

Fact #1: It has an edge.



Don't ask me where i was running.

Time passed and I grew strong, forgetting the fear of this place for now all it was a stain upon my heart. At first I was terrified when I first saw the strange creature, I ran far till I came to a pond. Only to find the same creature, smaller with the look of innocent fear staring back at me from the reflection of the crystal pond. I stood dumbfound splashing about in the water and then staring at it trying to understand why the creature seemed to slip from my hooves, to then learn what a reflection was. And realize what I was. It seems strange to be what I am... As if I wasn't this... As if I might have been something else like a dove or a crow. After awhile I grew brave and began to watch the... Others. They seemed friendly and cheerful and I soon joined them in there strange games of jumping about, as if flying and climbing trees. I never can figure out how they jump up into the trees. I try each time to find them giving off an infectious laughter. However it was not the only strange thing they went about doing. It happened often enough, as if it was the most normal thing to do... But they could change. Most of the time they would shine brightly and make another deer shine by pointing at them and the next instant they would be a different pattern or color. Sometimes there faces changed, or there antlers. I feared this and ran every time they had done it, but just like I had befriended them, I joined there antics. Soon after going to trees and mushrooms, we would point at each other and give each other the strangest looks at fall to the ground laughing as a fellow in the group would become green with a long red and white mask and horn antlers. Yes. I soon forgot my fears and joined there antics of running about. As time went I began to notice some of the fellows I hung out with would change, one day they were small and tiny making roaring sounds. Then suddenly, the next day they would return larger, with a dark brown felt and antlers.

I hope from deep down in my heart that everyone will have a lovely Christmas this year, together with 2017 that's coming up.
I wish good health, good days, happiness, recovery, love and luck to each of you, no matter how hard things get.
Thank you, community, for another year. The forest is like home to me. A home that we're all part of. ♥

With love,
Nopje ♥