Priest in pocket † Blade to the heat



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Jokerman





vicar villain vigilante






Profile

The Crosshairs
Goes by... Jokerman, JM, Jo
Species... Greater Kudu
Age... Adult
Size... (link)
Scent... Highly varied.Some vague, earthy elements. Comprised of distinct components that can be muted or brought out to change its very nature. Can convincingly change or mask her scent when desired.
Notably devoid of other deer.

Pheromones... Truly androgynous; feminine and masculine qualities.And noticeably calm, even in high-stress situations.
Speech... A lower-register, slightly monotonous rasp that tends to become hushed or rapid. Hints at several accents including Earth Gaelic. #A80813/#DEDED3


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10 . 03 . 14


Saved, yet again, by Zombies...


10 . 03 . 14

10 . 03 . 14

WILL THIS EVER BE UPDATED AGAIN?

Last update Rossamund was still dead ffs.

The first time.

Fuuuuck.

Little self-reminder/MOTIVATION to at least go and try to archive as many RPs as possible before Skype deletes them so I can actually remember what happened when I do get around to it.

STILL LOVE YOU, CRAZYBITCH. I'M SORRY.

least you get a bio tho




Doing everything in her power to keep her presence in the Forest lightly-felt and difficult to trace, but inevitably brought out of her seclusion on a few noteworthy occasions.

Reunited with Castallion when she first caught scent of the buck, glad to see he was in as great as shape as ever (and just as colorful in personality as appearance). Tended as much to Rossamund as she could, finding the boy needed counseling through an admittedly difficult chapter of his time in the forest. Tried to work with him on fighting in his ghost form and encountered a hostile June during one their sessions. Spoke with the Rabbit and attempted to diffuse a little of the ire she understandably felt for both of them, succeeding on a few small points she felt. Vowed to take advantage of what communication had been established to try to follow through on it in the future, and from that could only strongly advise Rossamund on how to handle interactions if he valued having a chance of a relationship with his "sister." (It seemed he had been stalking a few of her friends. No idea where he learned that kind of behavior...)

More than the "physical" however, being relegated to this form had the Myling contending with heavily emotional turmoil. Did her best to offer her support where she could through these dark times, not minding when he came to visit her and Indi although made it clear after an encounter with Rohit that he understood both children were to be protected at all costs. Didn't feel she had to say more than that, and Rossamund appeared uplifted by her mentioning that she considered him like family. Less enthused about received the title of Aunt, but it was neither the place nor time.

Speaking of confusing familial ties, had been making gradual progress in her relationship with Indi's son, still finding it imperative to get him on accepting terms with her before approaching Abhiri. Starting to consider it wise that Rohit learn to spar, as he's a quiet, serious little thing with a lot of pent-up energy, and she frankly thinks he could use the outlet. He'd (unfortunately) seen his first fight not too long ago, despite her and Indi's attempts to keep him out of it knows he saw far more than he should have. Attempted to egg him on a few times on a lazy evening at the Playground, under Indi's approval of course, and probably only succeeded in cementing her Weirdo image. Though was able to deadpan though her joy in causing him some adorable frustration in the process of trying to get him to wrestle.

Ended up laying off him finally, and he'd retreat back to his mother on the boulders glaring at her as if she was the single greatest source of evil on this planet. Joked with Indi a few times about how much he seemed to take after his mother and just kind of gets this look back that made her question if the Sangai also noticed a certain other resemblance the children bore... maybe JM wasn't going crazy after all.

One of the most significant recent occurrences to memory was no doubt Rossamund's safe and eventual return to life, after a long and frustrating journey. Saw to it that he was fed and accompanied for the first few days of his recovery, incidentally using up each of the rabbits she had asked him to kill just days prior, when food hadn't been of interest to him but was to her for a project. Didn't find out how it had happened, not finding the timing right then and also not having seen much of the Myling since that week, though hearing whispers here and there of some of his exploits, for better or for worse.

Caught Rohit and Abhiri out running around one night without Indi's usual constant supervision and got just close enough to keep an eye on them without alerting them to her presence. Indi showed up in no time, so she relaxed and fell into her own thoughts as the family played. Completely caught off guard when the trio came and took Red Hill by storm in a confusing game of Zombies, no doubt initiated by Rohit, and ended up getting involved in it whether she wanted to or not. Somehow had been promoted from "Evil Zombie" to "Zombie Hunter" in the little guy's eyes, which while it sounded like an improvement at the time, Jokerman quickly realized still made her the antagonist in the little game. Though she fought back, was quickly outnumbered, mobbed, and infected to his seeming delight before Abhiri tired out. Rohit still looked at her like she was nuts when she rubbed the trees afterward, in an attempt to get him to play a little more. Would have to try more drastic measures later, but for the time just took it in stride and settled near the group tentatively. Heart all but seized when the smallest of the trio wandered over and ended climbing onto her back and falling asleep there. A whole myriad of fears put to rest by seeming to get Abhiri's stamp of approval and Rohit's growing tolerance. Didn't say anything to Indi at the time but knows it meant as much to her, too.

Her time and visits with Indi had been occupying the majority of her mind in one way or another, either working during the day on small schemes and building contacts with deer relevant to those schemes, visiting the family in the evening or stealing moments alone with Indi during the night. Hadn't been sticking her nose into much else that was arguably not her business, at least not in any obvious way. And while things were definitely much improved from where they started, the last thing she wanted was to any way encroach on the Topaz's time with her recently reunited family, or to be perceived by an intruding force by either of them. Found Indi by the flower patch near the river alone tonight and gladly took the opportunity to spend some time with the mother.

It wasn't too long before they were being watched. Waited to see if the other (Indigo) would approach on his own, but aware that her own companion was a little less comfortable with the bird's approach (Player assumes Indi felt tacky being caught wearing the same name so embarrassing) and went to deal with it head-on, as was the Sangai's way. Watched this as well though eventually interfered just to make it clear to the newcomer they weren't going to be chasing him, giving him the chance to come closer if he wanted. Could remember every one of her run-ins with Morioch since returning to the Forest and they were intentionally few and far between, but had seen enough of his small bird companion to make a few conclusions about his presence. Knew it was likely that nothing more than simple curiosity that had spurred the visit, though there was a few other possibilities too.

With this thought, plopped herself on the ground, intending to see how the rest would play out. Laid her head on her forelegs and watched with half-lidded interest as she waited for him to either come closer or Morioch to show up, standing enthusiastically when the older male came by. Took the opportunity to observe his behavior and appearance, nothing more than a sniff to his small companion which caused a small stir of amusement in the Kudu as he took off again. Watched the littler one leave, regretting that she hadn't been able to exchange greetings but time enough for that later. Maybe. Whatever it was, it was still better than Xetkal, and she resumed her earlier stance that there was no need for her to get involved.

Aware as they settled back down that Indi was still tense. Assumed her own omniscient Jokerman way what it was about without even asking, leaned close and quietly launched into the best reassurances and promises she could give her friend. Was cut off with Indi's words of knowing, and complete trust in her, and that was enough. In a moment of intimacy responded with the only thing better than that that she could think of which brought the doe pressing closer, things instantly seeming a lot simpler and a lot more complicated in that action. Shut out the world and lingered in each other's companies for as long as possible before Indi had to return to the kids.

Left as well, figuring the twilight hours would be the best time to do this. Despite Rossamund having promised to replenish the rabbit supply, had taken it upon herself to kill, cure, and preserve a variety of small vermin carcasses over the weeks following his return. Gathered them now and went off to the Birch to speak to a contact she'd made there, wanting to pursue a little whim.



It's good to see you both.
...We'll have to do something about that maternally-instilled sense of virtue.


Keeping close at Indi's family's heels should the need for aid ever surface; apart from that, busying herself with other things.

Many visits from Rossamund, to her relief. The Myling was doing a good job of checking in and putting her mind at ease. Watching his appearance shift from avian to vulpine to, at times, something like his original form. Which is at once heart-rendingly gratifying and more than a little bit amusing when he couldn't seem to perfect the hue.

Helped him work on his coloration this afternoon, the process being long and consisting of much trial and error and doubtless lots of effort from the Ghost. Eventually he got it right and their efforts were rewarded. Definitely didn't fall into the pond at any point. Settled into a mood for a moment and took note of the little Ghost sneaking off. Equally curious of where he was going as she was what he would do off on his own, and opted to explore the latter today. Feigned slumber and waited. The thought process being "He can't get hurt... right?"

Wrong. The Myling came back a short while later and settled back next to her. Could sense something was off and kept her mouth shut, just eyed him thoughtfully. At last he started spilling. Questioned him on it a little bit about his participation in a fight, as much interested in his ability to be hurt as the source of his injury. It seemed to be another hallmark of him gaining aptitude in this form.

Joined by Ciel and Neela as well, greeted the pair somewhat briskly as Neela was being adorable and shy and what was Jo supposed to do with [i]that?
Felt bad; she really needed to work on how she approach fawns, little girls in particular, but that thought was intermingled with the one that most kids start crying when she looks at them, and more lately have thought that she was going to eat their brains. Didn't want to do that to Ciel's family, and entertained other ideas, all of which consisted of staying seated for now.

Resumed talking with Rossamund, though noted his change in behavior with the pair's arrival. Found out about... something. Unsure. Ushered him a bit closer to Neela, perplexed at both their behaviors when she found out they were supposed to be friends. Also barked out some orders for any future 'incidents' with protecting others. Trying to work with him as it was evident the buck's code of honor was a part of him, and there was no use trying to pretend it couldn't get him hurt anymore.[/i]



...He has my ears.


Since disappearing five months ago, things have changed in ways even she hadn't expected. A contractual visit to the Soul Dealer Osias's hell resulting in her eventual breakthrough after being able to make contact with Eraline's ghost, in a deeply personal visit that she has kept to herself, but remains markedly changed by. Emerged with a renewed sense of obligation and the first hints of inner peace in years. Surprised herself more than anyone else by asking Indi if she could come along with her on her quest to find her children, instead of returning to the Forest as originally intended.

Visited the Sangai's homeworld in projected vessels and succeeded in establishing her children's souls' connections with the Forest. Concluded the long and arduous 'adventure' and returned to the Forest approximately a month ago, where they immediately set about trying to find the youths, both unsure and nervous that it hadn't worked out after all, or knowing if they would be able to recognize either fawn. Eventually mother and children were happily reunited, though it was clear it would take time and effort for things to settle down. Understanding of this, backed off immediately so as not to make the transition any rougher, even though falling back into old habits of withdrawing was the last thing she wanted right now.

Has busied herself with relearning the Forest. The first order of business being to touch bases with Henna. Accepted her sister's scolding for her lengthy absence (with no way of contacting) and insisted on learning of recent news. All worse fears seemingly came to light. Heartbroken to hear of Rossamund's passing, all the anger she felt directed purely at herself and even saddened that she had put Henna in this place. Made a sort of peace with it a few weeks later, however. Found a way to keep in touch with the boy's spirit and has not given up on finding a proper conclusion to these events. Treasures his attempts to make contact with her and does everything she can to increase the frequency of his visits.

A few other small visits here and there with others. Sat with Ciel at one point and was grateful as ever for his presence in her life, however little their paths may cross. But for the most part, drifted through the Forest like a ghost. Embracing the solitude and spending much time seemingly wrapped up in her thoughts near the riverbed, hardly moving to acknowledge the glances from certain passers-by; wisened up to a few less-friendly individuals in this way, though hasn't acted on it yet. Uncertain if she will. Also been crashing at the Topaz's home when she wasn't there, for a change of scenery. Sentimental like that. Found by Israel one afternoon in her favorite spot, and filled in on his recent travels. Unsure of how to receive the buck now that he's older, and treading carefully but firmly. Intends to learn more about him in light of Indi's relationship with her adopted son.

Rarely sees the Sangai after helping her to reunite with Rohit and Abhiri. Missing Indi like crazy after the events of the past months, which was expected and only natural. Using the time wisely, making preparations. Beginning to take small steps towards encountering the trio and familiarizing them with her presence, particularly Rohit, who already has a negative impression of her. Reassured by Indi that the boy has always been the cautious type. More endeared than anything with being able to see so much of his mother in the fawn. Happy to have them all here, and Indi so obviously happy.

Thoughts and perceptions challenged, even more than she thought they would be, by the two perplexing, spirited little creatures now in both their lives. Trying to do her best to give the newly-reunited family time to adjust, but acutely aware of certain aspects that are incredibly familiar. Keeping these thoughts to herself for the time being as she really isn't sure what it all means, though muses on it a lot in her spare time. Already charmed by and devoted to the fawns in mind, it seems.



Additional Notes


In excellent health. Elated, focused.





Without

Appearance


A traveling spirit; has accrued many different traits—marks—throughout different lifespans which manifest in different ways depending on the realm she is in. In the Forest she takes the form of a rather plain Greater Kudu from a previous life, though with enough time spent, her appearance has begun to warp.

More personal and spiritually-bound elements have revealed themselves. Rich brown fur has deepened to mahogany, and is ticked with shades of bright ruby. Even the helm with which she'd once identified so deeply, a male Kudu skull, had been stolen and a new one replaces it now which is completely her own; forged out of a mysterious, non-organic material and sculpted to depict an almost mocking caricature of her nature.


Set one - Idol Pelt, Skull Mask, Key AntlersIndicates her helm, which is usually worn.
Her physical state is a direct reflection of her mental state, and though it can be manipulated somewhat for her own advantage, generally a rich red overtone and healthy amount of weight reflects ambition and physical preparedness, for better or for worse. There is no desire to be disguised or blend into her surroundings at these times and greater visibility is often the intended result. A beacon of confidence that welcomes friend or foe to find her.

Set two - Fan Pelt, Real Deer Mask, Noh Antlers When unmasked. Very rare; it takes a strong impact in her life to get her to shed her helm.
Her fur can vary from a lush, deep red, to a coarse ashen brown in periods of emotional decline. The waning desire to eat, drink, or tend to her physical being is indicative of taut emotions and negligent self-worth. It is not uncommon for her spine and hip bones to become pronounced in times of severe undernourishment. Despite the physical and emotional depletion, her mental faculties are commonly heightened in these moments, and may be the reason she allows herself to fall into such a sorry state. It is the next best thing for a Deer who strives to be invisible. Unpretentious and easily passed by but often incredibly keen to her surroundings.



Solid, sleek musculature, she has no great bulk and probably borders on the slender side. Neither does she have any appealing curves or plush fur; only a slight shagginess around her throat and a slightly out-of-control mane. Tall and gaunt even at her best.

She is unhorned, with a broad, angular face, and dark amber eyes. She generally has a somber demeanor that can range from incredible severity to an almost coltish humor, and can be difficult to decipher under a stone mask. Lithe in movement with a careful, efficient briskness. Movements are measured and appear carefully calculated, with hints of underlying tension.




Features



Ritual Helm Whether its use as a ceremonial object was meant in its own right, has become a tool to her own personal ritual in the form of hunts. Affords great measure of power, protection, and anonymity. Allows a disconnect from reality and identity that is to her day-to-day function as crucial as the great power it wields.
It boasts a somber, almost patronizing expression of sympathy and pity. Traded by the Craftsman.
Twin God Charm One of a pair of charms, once worn by Eraline. Forged into the crown of her new helm. Passed on by Ciel.
War Paint A tribute to a daughter from one mother to the other, usually covered by her mask. From Henna.
Soul Dealer's Scar Strange marking in the shape of a human hand, around her throat and neck region. Acquired upon entering Osias's world.
Bug Bite On her left shoulder, not visible from a distance. Courtesy of Allu.




Combat



Whatever her state of health, Jokerman almost always has great reserves of energy and stamina. Though strong for her stature, where brute force is concerned she can be outmatched by many of the Forests' residents. High dexterity levels compensate somewhat for this.

She is a tactical fighter and relies heavily on strategy and mind games, and is better than average at spotting the same in others. It is common for her to avoid fighting or at least greatly be able to diffuse it through countering her would-be opponents' actions. She is very controlled in movement and consideration, and it is rare for her to engage in combat unwillingly.

Though sparring is one of the few activities she enjoys, she is not one to get into meaningless fights. Jokerman is outcome-oriented and has very little pride to be manipulated. Safety is her driving ambition so she'll often occupy herself with evacuating innocents from the area or distracting the offender. She is not concerned about fair play or honor, and will gladly team up with other deer to take down someone she considers a true threat, though she is highly concerned with collateral damage.

She accepts great responsibility for her actions and would sacrifice her own well-being for an innocent without hesitation. A well-known weakness.


(more later)







You have to realize you're the Devil just as much as you are God
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Sleepything's picture

tough love BUILDS

tough love
BUILDS CHARACTER

oh hay look, a new page
..thats supposed to be cool right????

adorable art by Tuoho! ♥
pumpkinseed's picture

sleepy, you won!!!

sleepy, you won!Exclaim!!
Sleepything's picture

I DID? I WON?! I WON. brit,

I DID? I WON?! I WON.

brit, where's my prize? :I

adorable art by Tuoho! ♥

...pfft

...pfft
Sleepything's picture

;___; briiiiiiiiiitt

;___; briiiiiiiiiitt

adorable art by Tuoho! ♥

IT BUILDS CHARACTER

IT BUILDS CHARACTER
Sleepything's picture

(No subject)

Frown

adorable art by Tuoho! ♥
pumpkinseed's picture

"Doe JM, you sure are a lot

"Doe JM, you sure are a lot of fun. I won't let you win next time we spar, though! I went easy on you just now."



<3

She smiles, she'll push her a

She smiles, she'll push her a little more. "All right, pipsqueak, I accept that challenge. You wear that color, you better do it justice."

*HEART*!
Krystal's picture

Maaaaaan sorry, your TEF must

Maaaaaan sorry, your TEF must have been glitching heavily just now, that or mine, saw you sleep sliding a lot. By the way this has ended up looking amazing, was watching the progress for a while. AWESOME FONT CHOICE. Sticking out tongue

OH damn!! I was wondering why

OH damn!! I was wondering why Krystal laughed when Jokerman sadfaced at her. xD Chalked it up to Krystal's natural exuberance! Pfft. Did she ever 'wake up' and did Krystal get to see any of what she was doing? xD
Thank you so much. The font I can't decide if I like or if it drives me crazy, oh well.
Krystal's picture

I think I caught the latter

I think I caught the latter half of what she was doing rofl I was confused as to why you poofed when I showed up earlier but then when I saw that I figured you must have dc'ed.
And yeah, I could see how it may drive you crazy after extended periods of staring at it. But, you have the information pretty tidy and to the point, so I don't imagine any melt downs in the near future.

OH you're a genius

OH you're a genius (seriously, I'm pretty sure you are, but that's beside the point >>). You're right, it must be on my end--our power went out, I disconnected and reconnected without closing out of the windows... that always causes glitches. /Restarts
Thanks so much for letting me know.
Krystal's picture

Sometimes I think that's

Sometimes I think that's sarcasm! Sticking out tongue
I attempted to add you on msn to make life easier, but I'm not sure it worked.
And also: Interests
Buy Gold Coins Today!

Those infomercials ENRAGE MY INSOMNIA.
pumpkinseed's picture

LOL omg that update. SORRY.

LOL omg that update.

SORRY.

Krystal - AND THEN I IMED YOU

Krystal - AND THEN I IMED YOU AND WE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!

Pumkinseed/CASSIE - PFT oh please. What's next, are you going to have Eraline APOLOGIZE for being heart-breaking?
/killing us over here
/sob
pumpkinseed's picture

Oh hell no. X3

Oh hell no. X3

**pumPkinseed & that's more

**pumPkinseed

& that's more like it!

Tracking. I love the css and

Tracking.
I love the css and artwork here. Really like her design too. (8
Krystal's picture

69 COMMENTS? I DON'T THINK

69 COMMENTS?Question I DON'T THINK SO.

WHAT.... WHY WOULD YOU DO

WHAT.... WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??

YOU ARE INCREDIBLY MEAN.
Krystal's picture

(No subject)

Sleepything's picture

LMFAAAOO

LMFAAAOO

adorable art by Tuoho! ♥
pumpkinseed's picture

anonymity? whaaaaat? :<

anonymity? whaaaaat? :<

...weird ppl: WHY ARE YOU

...weird ppl: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS

Umay from forever ago: SORRY, BUSY RUDELY IGNORING COMMENTS. Thank you SO much!

Cassie: Argh Eraline is so observant, you know she hardly gives Jo any time at all to brood. Jokerman just feels bad about missing so much (scars! boys! god knows what else!) and is giving herself dumb advice to fix it. As she does.
It was so nice getting to see Era again, though; even JM would agree.

shaku's picture

^Agreed. Whattt D: (Ninja'd

^Agreed. Whattt D:
(Ninja'd =3= )

pumpkinseed's picture

I figured that is what was

I figured that is what was going on. Also, I thought that she was beginning to hate herself for ~caring so much~ about her friends. Sticking out tongue

Also, i really enjoyed that "follow me" back and forth they had going on at first. XD Had me laughing irl.

Shaku: LMAO at first you had

Shaku: LMAO at first you had me worried that my comment (the one directly above yours) made no sense and warranted a 'what' and I was like. Sob.

Cassie: SHE TOTALLY IS but even I can't bring myself to actually use the phrase "hating herself for just caring too damn much!!" I'm glad you get it, though. And me too, lovelove Era.
shaku's picture

Nooo, sorry >u> Just sat on

Nooo, sorry >u> Just sat on that comment for about 6 minutes too long, apparently >u<;;

Sleepything's picture

"Look, I don't care how

"Look, I don't care how pissed off you are or how much you don't want me here. I'll keep on chasing you until you're too tired to go any further. You're my best friend, like a sister to me, so I'm not going anywhere." Henna snorted, her eyes were narrowed but she continued to look in a different direction.

adorable art by Tuoho! ♥

"I never agreed to that and

"I never agreed to that and you know it. Don't get the wrong idea simply because I didn't want to continue watching you accosting strangers: this," Jokerman gestures to the ground between them, to the relative calm that had settled in after their exhaustion, "isn't a reconciliation."
shaku's picture

^ ;A;

^ ;A;

Sleepything's picture

A smile seemed to creep onto

A smile seemed to creep onto her snout and a shrug soon followed after, "Fine with me, just know, I don't give up easily."

adorable art by Tuoho! ♥

fffff. "Uhm," she grunted,

fffff.

"Uhm," she grunted, shifting her entire body away from the gold doe and curling toward a nearby oak. "We know that, trust me."
pumpkinseed's picture

"Listen, Jo," The doe does

"Listen, Jo," The doe does not temper her speech with her usual polite formalities, "I don't know what's wrong with you. I don't know what we, what I did to bring this mood about. But I do know that regardless of the reason, you seem intent on avoiding me - and frankly, I am too tired to chase you around begging you to tell me what is the matter. So if you want to keep putting this distance between us, fine; if you want to stop coming around, fine. There's nothing I can do to stop you. But you're out of luck if you think that by pulling yourself away you will somehow undo everything that you are to me, because the fact of the matter is that no matter how hard you try you will always be a part of me. A huge part. And I will carry you with me regardless of whether you want me to or not." She sighs, tossing her a tight, sad look. "I would love for you to actually be here so that you can carry a part of me too. But since you're so intent on this exhausting game of back and forth and never again then so be it."

Eraline stops to chew her lower lip, gaze hard but her eyes wet at the rims. She isn't used to having to speak to directly to Jo, and in doing so she feels a part of herself aching. Permission to let go - she almost gives it. Almost. Instead, softly:

"If you get tired of this as much as I already am, then know that you always have a home here with me."

At that, she stands, winded by adrenaline and a deep, aching honesty that has overcome her.

The gaunt doe known as

The gaunt doe known as Jokerman lingers for a moment around her oak; she could be a fallen leaf caught between two crossing winds, pulled and tugged but ultimately suspended in air when neither force is strong enough to sweep her away, and she fixes her gaze on the young doe.

"Eraline." Her voice is even and smooth, tempered and humble. As the adolescent rises and makes to leave, Jo thinks, I'm an idiot to think I have a choice here. She can't turn a blind eye to the hurt and pain in a child, this child, to the loyalty that wins and the tears that do not, and so much fucking maturity; she never wanted to see in the first place and she sure as hell didn't want to be the one who put it there.

"I'm not leaving you. But I can't always be right here." She lowers her head less than gracefully, desperately wanting to put herself on eye level with Eraline as she paws the ground near the young doe's side, a place she doesn't dare approach. She doesn't want to give mixed signals. She knows what Era deserves. "You've grown so much, but there are things you still have to learn and this is one. I am not going to be a source of worry for you... the right course of action is and will always be to make your life a little easier, as far as I am concerned. Your sweetness, your spirit, are the very parts of you I wouldn't dream of carrying away; however, I will still visit you if you'll allow me. Probably even if you don't. I still care about you, Eraline, and I want to be able to see that you are all right, see some of the changes in your life. Is that not enough?"
pumpkinseed's picture

The adolescent drops her eyes

The adolescent drops her eyes to the grass before her beloved friend can meet them. It is childish, she knows, but she is not ready to see what she is sure will be the utmost sincerity - the conviction - in those eyes. Instead she listens, her ears twitching, heart pounding through every inch of her body the way it does when she is being forced into a crossroads - and it seems despite her age, she has already known too many of them, had to make too many of these same decisions. And the stress, oh Gods the stress - she can feel it buzzing in her head. It makes her face hot. And the longer Jokerman speaks, the more she feels it bubbling away inside of her.

Be brave. You have to be brave, she thinks the way she has always done - her mantra, learned as a fawn and now her only anchor to the strength that lies within her - somewhere; lifting her head, she finally meets her mentor's eyes and everything she has just said comes crashing over her hard and fast, suddenly all too real. All too much. Her expression shifts slowly; first the clenching of her jaw, the furrowing of her brows, her mouth falling half-open in what can only be described as visual indignation. "Who do you think you are?" She hears herself say, "You think that you're doing me some kind of favor by running away from me? By building this imaginary wall you want so desperately to put between yourself and me? I have news for you, Lady Roughhouse, I have never been more concerned for you than I am at this very moment. This little act - this self-sacrificing whatever the hell it is doesn't fool me one minute.

"But I guess maybe it never occurred to you, huh, that you might actually mean more to me than just 'that lady who makes sure I don't get hurt' - and it only makes me wonder why the hell you've spent so much time with me to begin with. Was I a project? 'Let's see how long I can keep this kid alive before I dump her and move on'?"

She takes a deep breath, her muscles quivering through a second rush of adrenaline - and the guilt, oh Gods, forgive her for swearing but the words - she can hardly process them before they are out of her mouth. "You have always been more to me than just that lady. I can take care of myself Jo but that does not mean that I do not want you a part of my life. I don't want you popping in once in a blue moon; I want you here, always, even when you cannot be here."

Eraline has to stop to take another breath, only this time she feels herself crumbling and has to bite down hard on the inside of her lip to keep it from quivering. Not in front of Jo, please not in front of her. "I love you Jo. You are my friend, you have always been my friend and so much more. And for you to debase yourself like this...to even think for a minute that your presence in my life is somehow a burden...oh Gods, Jo, you have no clue, do you?"

A sudden, violent shake of her head - and maybe, just maybe, a glittering tear loses itself in the whiplash, but she can't be sure, she doesn't care to know. "I will not stand for this. I won't. I cannot bear to see you walk away from me the way you did today. I can't. You are my home. And unless you tell me that there is really nothing I have left to offer you, I will not let you do this to my home."

another kudu (okay Phoenix

another kudu Laughing out loud
(okay Phoenix is technically half kudu, but whatevs)

Cassie - NOVEL COMING

Cassie - NOVEL COMING SOON.

Paz - Was Phoenix the adorable deer Jo was unsuccessfully trying to help during all that chaos? xD I loved him/her---do they have a bio?

with almost the same set, yes

with almost the same set, yes Smiling
and yes she does

(Is it cool if I still post

(Is it cool if I still post this? :/ You are obviously under no obligation to respond ughhh. Apparently I have no brain cells to spare during the week. I just didn't want to not answer this though.)



Jokerman is helpless to do much else besides stand there and take what Eraline has to say. It isn't often that she has to explain herself and the fact that she is out of practice shows; she wants to now and finds that she can't. She wanted to say something to make this easier, or to say that this doesn't hurt, but there's a lump in her throat and words won't come out. She can't handle this and she really wishes the child would stop using the word home. She'd talked with Henna earlier, the doe was using words like 'sister' and 'friend,' and it really freaked her out.

Her ears perk, then, at a nickname--Lady Roughhouse? Perhaps a less confusing, childish version of her more common nickname; Jokerman makes a note to ask about it later, before realizing disheartenedly that she probably won't.

This kid was talking her out of everything she thought she knew.

"'Roughhouse'? Is that how you see it? It wasn't just frivolous... Distracting, protecting, uplifting... It's not about playing, it's about surviving. Moving on, whatever it takes to get to the next day, whether the threat is coming from outside or within you. I may have tailored the lessons to your age, but this is no different... I would do whatever it takes to protect you, Eraline--not only because it's right..."

And finally Jokerman knew, no matter what came out of their meeting today, she wouldn't walk away from Eraline tonight unaffected, unchanged, as she originally planned. It really was no longer as simple as protecting the fawn, the child, the innocent. She wasn't a blank slate anymore; the child, the young lady has her own will now; it wasn't a question of if Eraline would affect her but how. The fact was that there was no act evil or malignant or weak enough, unlikely though it was, that Eraline could do to make Jokerman hate her. She came so close to using the word family but that would have been really unfair because she didn't know what that word meant or how she was supposed to act about it. What she'd seen of families, even the loving ones, made her worry.

"--but because I love you, too. And it is unconditional and you will always have it. Whether you know it or not... a lot of what you want, you already have. No distance or span of time will erase you from my thoughts. If you can't see that now, no words will convince you. I think you do see that, though... you also see that my actions are neither easy nor noble, and that's blinding you understandably."

For every part of Jokerman that wanted to spend the rest of her days flanked at one side of Eraline, Henna on the other, and the red hare curled up somewhere between, all of them having their own reasons to watch out for the rest of those amusing, slightly worrisome deer Eraline considered family, and maybe, these males who all of a sudden were getting very familiar with her little protegee--there is another, more familiar part that fears drowning in that warmth and acceptance. It would be very easy to stay there, swaddled, forever. And then she will become part of the problem, and by god, she isn't ready to sink. She fears sinking, and she fears her fear.

"What should I do?" She asked, meaning, strictly, what should she do right now, does she want her to leave? In any other sense, there is only one choice for her. Jokerman watches Eraline for tears that don't seem to fall, she moves her head closer, lowering it to the girl's level. "Eraline, please. See around it, look at me. I am sorry.... so sorry I've disappointed you like this."


Paz - !! Thank you for the link, and yeah, I feel all affirmed that our sets were similar. Obviously that's the combo to wear for a kudu!
pumpkinseed's picture

That was beautiful post Brit.

That was beautiful post Brit. <3 I'm not sure if I will be able to reply to it though, since things have resolved themselves. Is that alright?

Of course, Cassie! Thanks for

Of course, Cassie! Thanks for stopping by here with that. ♥
cicadia's picture

;; Aww. Thank you for

;; Aww. Thank you for defending my bird.
I'ma track this. She seems like an interesting character.

I think you already tracked

I think you already tracked this. >>

Thank you! And rofl, that was fun, thank you for that interesting change of events. Totally thought my char was going to die. xD
cicadia's picture

fffffff, you're right, I did.

fffffff, you're right, I did. OAO
This, this is why I should not interact when I'm tired, fff. I start forgetting IMPORTANT THINGS.

Baw, no prob. |D We sort of felt the same, which'd be why Bright stirred up that "fight" to begin with. Thanks for stepping in; I think you kind of made his night. The amount of smug, smug energy he radiated was insane.

LMAO. Yeah, Jokerman is my

LMAO. Yeah, Jokerman is my one character who will get herself involved with anything going on around her if it's clear enough, even as I'm sitting there hoping we're not pushing our way into something where we're not welcome. x_x But as it turns out, being manipulated by a smug giant crow/deer? = as fun as it sounds! Even if my girl would disagree. rofl

&hearts;

"Have I done something

"Have I done something wrong... I thought we were friends?".

"Yeah? Well contrary to what

"Yeah? Well contrary to what you seem to think, relationships aren't things that can be dropped and resumed whenever you feel like it."