May.2.2010
Yesterday, Kody forgot me.
Today, I was going to make sure Kody never forgot me ever again.
So I found him by the Pond. He was with Umay, but I was focused on him.
I showed him my sadness.
He looked apologetic, but that wasn't enough for me.
He might forget me again.
I couldn't let that happen.
So I reared and snapped at him.
But I didn't stop.
I kept rearing and biting and a RAGE I can't describe took over me. I felt so upset, angry, and I needed to express the emotion bottled up inside me.
Kody was scared at first, not expecting my outburst. Umay tried to split us apart, but I wasn't going anywhere.
Not until Kody would have my name e n g r a v e d into his brain.
BUTHESTARTEDTORETALIATE
HISANTLERSWERESOSHARP
HISHOOVESWERESOHEAVY
ITHOUGHTIWASGOINGTOBERIPPEDTOPIECES
Umay stopped trying to break us up--
she joined him.
IWASN'TANGRY.ANYMORE.
IWASSO.SCARED.
I was going to die and I knew it I was going to die I was going to die I was going to die I was going to die die die die die die die die die die DIE DIE[
THEY
WERE
GOING
TO
KILL
ME!
All those times I wanted to scream but just couldn't, my throat was always locked and I couldn't think straight, those times ended.
I screamed as loud as I could.
ISCREAMEDANDSCREAMEDANDSCREAMED UNTIL MY THROAT B U R N E D
I cowered, I couldn't take this, I was too small and they were EIGHT THOUSAND FEET ^TALL^
Their hooves wouldn't stop, their teeth their roars their m e r c i l e s s--
And then it stopped.
I looked, and I almost screamed again.
But that scream would've been different.
It would've been a screech of overwhelming joy and relief.
Ravyn and Saosin were there, fighting Umay and Kody off, protecting me...
I was really that special?
Ravyn's eyes were blazing. Even in battle she was as graceful as an angel.
Saosin's whole pelt was already blazing. And the sheer power that showed through every movement...
I saw Umay run in a circle, towards me.
I bolted immediately, remembering the blows, the agony, and staggered rapidly out of the battlescene.
My mind was whirling and my vision was blurring so when I ran into someone I was caught by complete surprise.
I looked up and stared at Yori, who looked shocked to see me covered in blood.
Well, I'd be shocked too if one of my friends looked half-dead.
I wasn't able to speak, and once he realized that he didn't ask any questions. I collapsed and he stood over me, protective, and I felt safe. His antlers are as immense and awe-inspiring as Saosin's...
After a few moments I woke up - I had lost consciousness? - and Ravyn and Saosin were there.
I nuzzled them both, choked up and I still couldn't speak.
They protected me.
They heard me and came to save me.
I'll never forget that.
All four of us stood in a huddle for a while, and I felt an overwhelming dizziness. I swayed and collapsed, and everything went black.
My sight slowly restored, and I looked around. Where was I?
I smelled blood and looked down.
And then I remembered everything that happened.
The rain had washed my wounds but they still stung, and it felt horrible to stand. But I had to.
Why?
I don't know.
I saw Umay with an unknown stag. She'll tell me later that his name is Reaper, but I didn't really acknowledge him today.
I limped towards her. She didn't seem threatening...
We sort of made up, and I followed her to Kody. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this, but I kept going anyway. We were even now, after all.
He saw me and cowered, and I stared at him. His cower made me feel dominant.
I liked that.
But I instead tried to make him feel better about it. I find it so odd that he didn't realize we were even and that made everything fine.
Maybe it's just one of those things I feel.
It took a while for me to be able to nuzzle him, and for him to nuzzle back. But even so, he was sad and afraid and and and
I didn't understand why.
He stood hands taller than I, and I was still hurting. Why be afraid of me? He had Umay and Reaper, and I had no one. Not there, anyway.
ITHURTTOSTAYTHERE.
No matter how his friends assured him, and how smaller I tried to make myself, he was still so uncertain and kkshfklhdflsdfhlhlshfkdfkd
So I gave up. The rain didn't make things any better, although it was refreshing.
I limped away, and to my delight I sensed Yori's pictogram.
Immediately I set off after it, and found him sleeping in the ferns.
He's so peaceful when he's sleeping.
Then a fawn came.
I tried to get it away, pushing it, but it refused to leave and started dancing.
I wanted to tear it to P I E C E S.
It wouldn't be a nice sight for Yori when he woke up, so I refrained.
The foolish thing finally left.
Good riddance.
Yori wasn't waking up, and I knew he was in the E M P T Y S T A G E.
So I looked up and saw Umay watching me from behind a tree.
I came forward, and so did she, and we did a weird half-nuzzle thing.
Better than tearing into each other's flesh, hm?
Yori finally woke up, and I ran to meet him. We nuzzled - it had been so long since I last saw him. At least, that's what it felt like.
He greeted Umay while I went back to Kody briefly. I nuzzled him, he did a sad half-nuzzle thing back, but he still backed and circled around uncertainly.
I shook my head, exasperated, and promptly left with Yori. We hopped around and laughed like Jack mad deer to the Crying Idol, into which we went and turned our pelts red.
I didn't even know we could do that. Yori showed me.
We played around for a while until Spyrre came, to whom I was briefly introduced to by Yori. She and Yori are apparently good friends. Perhaps I'll get to meet her again...
Yori, Spyrre, and I found Ravyn and Saosin and we all greeted each other. Spyrre is closely acquainted with them too, I gathered.
Yori and Saosin began getting worked up, and Ravyn and I started to encourage them to a flower spar!
The two stags took off like rockets, and I chased after them. My body still hurt, but the adrenaline for what was about to take place numbed the pain.
They arrived to a purple flower patch with a long fallen log, and the does stood behind it as a sort of divide between the "ring."
Yori and Saosin began to spar, rearing and locking antlers. We all cheered for them, and before long a small crowd gathered and watched or cheered with us.
It was so exciting I can't even begin to explain it!
It lasted so long, the stamina of the stags incredible to me.
When it finally ended, I'm not even sure who won - I'll have to ask Yori or Saosin next time I see them.
The four of us huddled together again - Ravyn, Saosin, Yori, and I - and I can't explain the pure joy I felt. Without them I'm nothing.
Something caught my attention.
Umay was near.
As was Kody and Reaper, but Umay was closest.
I slowly turned around to face her.
Ravyn noticed her as well, and walked up behind me.
Saosin came too.
And then Yori.
We all stared at her.
She stared back.
I felt powerful. My friends backed me, and there was Umay.
I felt like no one could stop us, no one.
I wanted to run over there.
I wanted to run to her, Ravyn Saosin and Yori running with me, and I wanted us to eliminate--
I stopped.
Umay forgave me. She doesn't need to die.
So I shook to clear my head and turned back to my friends, dancing with them for a short while.
I was so tired from playing cheerleader, the adrenaline rushes had diminished, and I began to feel the pain again. My legs shook from exhaustion and I folded to the ground under Ravyn.
I just realized something.
I didn't hallucinate today.
Is that... bad? Should I be worried?
Is there something wrong with me?
...
I'll have to find out if there's something going on.
Scary little doe. That was
That was fun to read. ^^
xD I'm so glad
I'm so glad <3
By Leuvr ♥
A M A Z I N G That was
That was just......wow!
I'M SPEECHLESS!!
IT'S SO EPIC. I WANNA BE ABLE TO WRITE LIKE YOU LOL!
8DDDDDDDDD!
I think it's funny that Kody's scared of her even though she's smaller than him xDDDD!
MAYBE IT'S HER APPEARANCE...
<3333333!!
I love the friends we share.
I had a lot of fun with everyone today. The flower-spar was the highlight, though.
I'm glad Friiha enjoyed herself, and I love the little edit you did of Ravyn. Hahaha, she's wearing stag antlers in that picture.
Your writing style is really creepy, but it fits Friiha perfectly.
Ravyn can tell she has a lot on her mind...
The fight was really fun, too.
<3 sfhjfjhkh;
@Star: @____@
klshflkshdfslkhfdlskhflshf
/blushes x infinity
I BET YOU CAN WRITE AMAZINGLY.
LOL me too xDDD
And yeah, her appearance is rather haunting, so I don't blame him. Maybe her creepy look combined with her smallness makes her more intimidating?
@Ravyn: Me too. When Friiha is with Ravyn, Saosin, and Yori, Esll too, she and I feel complete. You guys are all she needs.
DEFINITELY. I made my dad sit down and watch some of it, haha~
I know you put somewhere that she's black with very faint hints of gold, so I tried to edit her to look like that. LOL she was xD
<3 I'm really glad you think so. I agree (:
She always does... there's never a day where she can just forget everything. She has spare moments, though.
I really loved the fight. When Ravyn and Saosin got in there protecting Friiha I seriously just melted. I'm illustrating it. I think part of why it's so special to me is because If I were ever to get into a real fight, don't think any of my IRL friends would get in and seriously defend me. So this really struck me ;-;<3
By Leuvr ♥
Quote:When Ravyn and Saosin
Hahaha awe. <3:
I didn't know what was going on and I kind of felt bad after the fight... But it was really fun. (:
I feel bad that you have a restricted amount of time playing TEF...
Is it helping at all?
The fight was epic and fun
The picture I'm drawing of
...
I'm not sure because it hasn't really been reinforced... and I often pretend to be doing homework or something when I'm actually on here. I know I shouldn't, and I try not to, but I've come to realize that I think it has become an addiction.
At least it doesn't have any bad side effects. That I know of.
But still :/
And I'm not sure what good it will do to pull me away from here. In fact, I can only think of bad things that happen if I'm forced off. This place just means so much to me... NO ONE likes what I like IRL. There is not one person I can relate with. On here, there are so many people... especially you.
That's one of the reasons I can't bear being away.
I fear I'm losing touch with reality.
Well, to be honest I don't fear it at all.
But...
ugh.
This is so difficult to explain ;-;
EDIT: It definitely was, Star <3
By Leuvr ♥
I enjoyed reading this. o-o
I enjoyed reading this. o-o /Must Read Moar D:
Thanks, Anna~!! 8D If you
If you want MOAR then I suggest you track this~
<3 (:
By Leuvr ♥
Amazing as always! (:
(No subject)
Thank you SO much, Amazon C:
By Leuvr ♥
Apparanza wrote:@Ravyn: Me
Aww, I'm so honored you have included Esll. <3
We both are so happy to be Friiha's friend.
Once again, your writing style has captivated me. I was literally holding my breath during the fight scene between Kody, Umay, and Friiha. =)
Of course~!!
Likewise (:
/melts
I was too, but when it was actually happening. I exploded when Ravyn and Saosin came in xD
By Leuvr ♥
When the time is right,
Who knows, though... You might never leave.
This game was intended for adults, anyway.
...Don't let them think something is wrong with you just because you play a deer game all day long.
I used to think that something was wrong with me, but now I could care less. If I want to play this damn game then I will and when I don't feel like it anymore- so be it!
You learn to balance your time and get out more.
Don't let TEF/ computer get in the way of going outside and socializing. TEF will always be here.
And I know it's hard right now.. but things always fall into place especially with the outside world. (:
You're fine.
By the way... Have you ever heard of depersonalization disorder?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder
My doctor suggested this to me... and it fits really well.
Sorry for typing so much. D;
I love it when you type a
I can't imagine myself leaving this place. It's too dear to me x3
LOL. I was taken there mainly because I spend every second I can on this computer and hate socializing. I think I've become anti-social outside of school because there's nothing I want to do with anyone. We don't share any common ground. There's nothing I have to say to them :/
I've tried explaining that over and over but it's no use.
I'm mainly afraid of missing something here xD I'm afraid that if I leave, there's going to be like a massive plot or random amazing thing and I won't be here for it.
I hope so ;-;
I'm glad x.x
I have. From you, actually (:
But, re-reading it...
That's happened a couple of times now.
At the dinner table one night, I was eating and suddenly I was looking down at myself and the rest of my family from the ceiling. I got an overwhelming feeling of fear that I was going to fall down. It lasted a couple seconds and I went back down into myself..? It was so strange. It happened two other times too...
This happens very often. I just cease thinking and just move. I don't know what I'm going to do or how or when or why. I just act.
Not so much in a movie as in a dream. I sort of associate that feeling with the "going through the motions" one.
When I get into the "going through the motions" thing, I have no control most of the time. Loud noises or me running into something {I just kept walking and ran straight into a wall once} usually "wakes" me up.
I get into a strange state of mind, again the "going through the motions" thing, and this happens.
All the time. Maybe it's part of the reason I'm so s l o w when writing or drawing...
I think when I go into the strange state of mind, and I can't control when I do or what I do while in it, is part of the reason I'm so paranoid. I'm always afraid to go to school because I don't want it to happen while I'm in there and completely humiliate myself or be late for a class because I'm "stuck" in my seat staring into nothingness.
I feel very apathetic and uncaring sometimes, and I don't know why :/
Like, for example, in a movie some important character is brutally slaughtered. I feel nothing. I don't even care he's dead. Sometimes it scares me that I don't feel anything.
And when someone in my family is sick or something, sometimes I don't have a desire to be with them or anything or make them feel better. I do feel bad that I can't be... nicer? I wish I was more caring, but I can't make myself feel anything :/
Also, is excessive forgetting a symptom of DPD?
For example: I was talking about memories back in 7th/8th grade with a couple of my friends and apparently I had thrown rocks at two of my friends. Like, thrown rocks at them. They hadn't done anything - I've never been really mad at any of my friends. Not enough to ever hurl anything at them in school @.@
They were telling me this and I had absolutely no recollection whatsoever. I know for a fact that they weren't lying because they got a couple of other classmates who verified having witnessed that.
That made me nervous. Because what if that happens again? What if I do something serious like burn down someone's house, and not even know because the memory completely erased itself?
When I get into my 'strange state of mind,' I usually know that I was in it but most of the time I can't remember what I did while in it. I actually kept a diary that I write in unconsciously whenever I get into that state of mind. I read it when I'm 'conscious' again, and it's so strange because it's in my handwriting but I don't remember any of it.
There was one entry that was written completely backwards. I died a little inside when I saw it LOL.
This is a freaking huge post x.x I'm so sorry for making you read it all ;A;
By Leuvr ♥
Holy shit. Hahaha. I have all
I have all of the symptoms... But, I have a lot of symptoms for other things, too.
I'm a hypochondriac so... :/
Anyway, forgetting things is normal. Just because if your friends remember something you don't doesn't mean anything is wrong. I have a horrible memory, too, and all I remember is how I feel when something happens most of the time. I'm selfish.
Keeping note of how you feel is really good. (: I don't keep one, but I'm glad you do.
Haha. Yeah. Really big post. o___o ..
xD! Oh right, I remember you
Oh right, I remember you telling me that...
I don't know how I'd be able to survive if I was a hypochondriac. I already freak out just feeling nauseous. /fail
LOL.
Perhaps that time stood out to me because I would probably remember something like that.
Oh well.
If you go into strange states of mind, it would be fun to keep a diary. I don't know I write in it until I go into the state of mind and when I become conscious again I can feel that I was just 'gone' and so I look for the diary and read what I had just written. I surprise myself. The backwards thing was just lsfkdlfhlskhfksdf... I had to hold it up in front of a mirror to read it.
ROFL. I got carried away D8
By Leuvr ♥
omg yess
I really wish you could get on more.
Oh my gawsh Friiha's diaries
I admire the way how you write so that you can feel Friiha's emotions.
You inspire me so much, I wish I could write like you. You should write books or something, I'd definately read them, everysingleoneofthem<333!
Thankyou for the super epic day yesterday, I loved every second of it, and it felt so good because there's been absolutely no drama lately. I also love the screeny edit up there.
I especially love Saosin's eyes, they seem somewhat haunting because the blue is just there against the dark. And I really do love how Ravyn and Friiha turned out, they look so dark and eerie, I really love that.<3
You need to come on more, you bring epicness into TEF, and your diaries are just<33333!
I loved this story... I need
She´s such an interesting character. Spyrre had so fun yesterday, even though I had some annoying lag... It was very nice to meet you anyway. =)