I'm sorry to bring this up again, especially here. But I really wanted to ask a question from someone other than my therapist, and you guys are my best friends...so here it goes.

Shimmyshimmy wrote me an e-mail the other day pointing out characteristics I have. It's difficult for me to grasp these because, well...being recently diagnosed with several things including high anxiety and depression, you have a hard time accepting the truth. I've gotten better at this, and am really starting to feel pride, confidence, and better self-esteem.

These things I've just been diagnosed with - ADHD, learning disabilities, a personality disorder or two, anxiety, depression...I'm making a commitment now to not let these defeat me. I've told myself many things that should have never been said -- that I was a failure, that I was weak, that I was flawed...that I should have never been born.

Those thoughts, they're going to end now. I'm tired of them, I'm tired of these feelings of worthlessness.

Shimmy's e-mail used words to describe me such as "fantastic", "selfless", "caring", and a "triumph". To read these words from someone else, that they actually think this of me despite the things I have written on this site about myself...it really digs deep into my soul.

I want to ask this then. I know this is my life and I have the right to do whatever I want with it, but I wanted to ask you all - if you were in my shoes, at this very moment of being ready to move out and live your life...if you knew that you will be living your dream job and that you really don't care about how much money you make...if you already had an idea for things you want to do for yourself later on, but had money to give away or use toward helping others...what would you do to better the world?

I already know I want to donate to charity. That's a dream I will be fulfilling once I have money to spare. But I feel like that's not good enough.