Everything I touch

Chickenwhite's picture
Seems to die... I know it's a part of life, but this is getting too far out... My uncle, both my grandparents on my father's side, my aunt, my favourite pets and now one of my friends' mum... I know I'm probably just being hysterical and all, but I really feel like everything living around me is wilting away... And the list of dead names is just increasing every time I turn around... Am I really just old enough to see my friends, family and acquaintances die one by one?... at the age of 21?...
I know most people would probably just regard it as the natural end of life on the individual's account, but I'm getting paranoid... Especially since I know four of my best friends are teetering on the edge as well... I'm almost starting to get afraid of making new friends, of meeting new people, for fear that they'll start dying on me too... Is this the universe's way if telling me I'm better off alone?... Or is it just a series of unrelated, coincidental strings of misfortune?... I'm starting to have my doubts...
And look at me making the death of my friend's mother all about me. Goddammit.
I'm pretty sure she needs a lot of support right now, so anyone wanna give her some, here's her DA journal on the matter in question. Rest in peace, good woman...

I find it hard to believe

I find it hard to believe that it is your fault. ♥, honest.
You'd be doing more harm than good by avoiding meeting new people, they deserve the chance to know you.
I like you, and I think you need to know that. I'm just shy, but hell, I do like you.
*offers hugs, and warmth* I know it probably doesn't mean as much to you, over the internet, by someone you don't really speak to... but I mean it.
You've not made her death about yourself, not to steal the support from others. No, you've only tried to explain your feelings, why you feel rotten.


Spyrre's picture

It´s not your fault. As hard

It´s not your fault. As hard as it feels, it happens to all of us sooner or later, and there isn´t much we can do about it, just do our best to enjoy the moments we have with our loved ones.
I´m sorry you´re having such a misfortune all at once.
<3
Chickenwhite's picture

Thank you so much, you guys

Thank you so much, you guys TwT I really appreciate you dropping by and offering me your kind words... It really helps TwT

@Ammy: Aww, thank you, you're so sweet! TwT And no need to be shy around me, I love meeting new people, aside from my current problem...
*cuddles and snuggles in warm hug* I actually think the words of you guys mean just as much to me as my real-life friends'... Maybe because I don't meet people physically very often, living alone, as far away from my birth-neighbourhood as one can without leaving the country... Damn education and living in a group of islands T__T
And I'd really love to talk more to you, you seem like such a nice person too! >w<
Thank you so much for the support TwT

@Spyrre: You're right, if we humans are about anything, we're about enriching each others' lives... Thanks for reminding me TwT I tend to forget a little when misfortune lands these truckloads on me... TwT;;
trigger_mortis's picture

Oh dearheart, it truly is not

Oh dearheart, it truly is not your fault. No one can control these sorts of things, and getting it into your head that it's because of you will only set you into a downward spiral of paranoia and depression. Please don't let that happen to you, you're too good! I think you are merely caught in a series of bad circumstances, and while it seems like no end is in sight at the moment, there will be, there always will be.

I can imagine how hard it must be for you to feel like those closest to you are on the edge, but try to look at it this way: Even if they are, they have you for a friend, and I'm sure that brightens even their darkest days. You with your laughter and smiles and your kind words, I'm sure that means the world to them. It can hurt you to be so close to those who pass on, but think of the beauty you bring to their lives by being so close. You are truly a brave and wonderful person to do so. If even a fraction of the world had your courage, it would indeed be a much better place.

<3
Chickenwhite's picture

Aww... Thank you so much,

Aww... Thank you so much, Trig TwT All I seem to do recently is just moan about how hard life is, but you're always there for me... you, my friend, is the truly great friend TwT I'm feeling much better now, I just have a tendency to act a little rashly whenever I get reminded about the numerous losses in my near present...
You're right, I should focus more on the good times, or else I'll just be hurting myself and those I love... Thanks for reminding me TwT *huggle!*