I awoke with the thoughts of yesterday still sharp in my thoughts... Poor Hania... Why had I acted so horribly? He had only been playing with an innocent fawn...
Why did I want so much attention?...
I felt horrible. Wicked. Cruel, black-hearted...
Shaking meandering worries aside, I rose to my feet and listened. Alas... No familiar scents were about. Involuntarily, tears welled in my eyes. I felt them roll silently down my cheeks, cold and shocking, and my mind reeled from a sudden buckle of loneliness. I staggered, side grazing a birch tree as I stumbled...



I saw deer in the distance... They were casting spells. Laughing. Laughing...



A wave of desolation crashed through and sent me scrambling for air and footing. I ran...
All alone...



Images flew through my eyes; blood, bright on the ground. So red. Bright in the fur of raging stags... does...
...
Fawns...
Sobs broke free form my throat as I sought for anything other than those images. Paavo. Hania. Warm moments, touches, voices... All the faces I loved...
Fading faces. Shyla, so far away.
I sobbed again. It was too much. I ran for the only place I could think of where I could perhaps rest my mind... The Hill. Yes, the Hill...



There was another deer there. I crumpled to the ground, but staggered on...
I recognized a scent; Seed. A good friend. I ran for him. Perhaps he... he...
He was with another...
Afraid to move closer, I shivered by a tree. What was happening to me?...
Seed saw me. He came closer, bowed. He seemed to notice how distraught I was. He came closer, and I - alas - drew back... I let my tears fall even as I shrank away from him and cowered. His shoulders slumped, but he simply went back to his friend...



I shivered, cried.
Coward.
My vision blurred. I fled...



What was wrong with me?... Why did I seek company - yet then shy away... cower... flee...
Coward. Coward. Coward.
...



------

...Ohdear. O: