Bright Eyes - Chapter One

Fenqua's picture
I finally have a title for my story, inspired by one of the most beautiful songs.
You may know what I'm talking about if you have seen the movie Water Ship Down. ^^

No dying humans this time, but more of an introduction chapter. I hope it's not too boring, there will be more blood soon XDD Enjoy!



A few months later…

It was a cold and windy September’s day, the sun had hidden behind the clouds and wasn’t planning on coming back anytime soon. Even though the animals in the forest didn’t know about real seasons, they could feel the autumn spirit was near. It was time to pray and welcome the new season. To thank the Gods for everything they might give, or take.
At least one of the young does was certain the Gods would take something from her. They were her number one love, the flowers. The soft patches of grass, surrounded by poppies or blueberries were her favorite resting places. She was going to miss them, as she believed she was some sort of princess to them. A princess of the flowers, like them she would weaken during autumn and die when the first frost would come.

Even though she was still a fawn, Fenqua had grown older from the things she had been through. And more important, she had grown wiser. She had nothing to complain, she had a wonderful position in the herd and she never had to worry about thirst or starvation. Fenqua’s caretaker had done anything to raise her properly, but her methods sure left their scars on her.
When she was only a few days old, her parents died in an awful way. Many say it was a heroic way, because they stood to protect the herd from dangerous monsters. Unlike any other species, these monsters weren’t allowed in the forest, because they could have destroyed everything. One of the monsters used an unknown weapon to kill her parents. When Fenqua thought about them, she felt nothing. She didn’t know how it felt to have parents and she had always felt she didn’t need them.
So, foolish and young as she was, she decided to leave on her own, into the safe and peaceful world of the forest. But when she was at the edge of the forest’s protection, that safety soon disappeared. Luckily a doe found her and took her back. And she was just in time, because at the edge of what the deer called The Dark Forest, a wolf was ready to strike. The doe had charged at the wolf with her antlers and managed to scare him away. But from that point, the doe decided to become Fenqua’s caretaker, her name was Nimlin. And Nimlin was named after her attitude as well as her speed, there wasn’t a doe in the forest running faster than her and she often raced against the stags. Nimlin may seemed like a cheerful and funny deer, but her raising methods were hard. She was the Alpha’s mate and truly believed Fenqua had the capabilities to follow in his hoofs. Her training was physically and mentally above normal standards, but soon it made Fenqua one of the strongest fawns in the herd. Not that she liked it, because no one wanted to play with her anymore. Simply because all the fawns were terrified by the Alpha’s daughter and deeply respected her. And also because Fenqua didn’t always have complete control over her strength, so she would easily hurt the others. This worried her but had never made her shy, not even when she met him.

Her bright, blue eyes were filled with sorrow as she still waited for the young stag to return. Fenqua didn’t know where he was or if he was still alive. Even though he was her best friend, he hadn’t told her anything and that made her angry. She felt unworthy, like he didn’t trust her anymore. Out of blind rage she smacked her head against a tree, she didn’t care about the pain. The thoughts of him had to disappear, that illusion called friendship had to leave her mind. Somehow it didn’t come as a surprise for her, she had known all along she was better of alone. Still, she believed experiences like this were good for her. They made her smarter, wiser and stronger. Nimlin’s way of raising had scarred her soul, but had made her skin thicker. And this worthless friendship, which once meant so much, had learned her she couldn’t trust anyone. Not even the one she loved.
She bellowed as hard as she could, her voice sounding deep and sad. Even though her independence was winning the battle, a small sparkle of hope burned in her heart. The hope that he would return and everything would be back to normal.

‘Fen, what’s wrong with you?’ A doe stepped out of the bushes, revealing her dark, hazelnut eyes and her small, white antlers. Her pelt was warm like fire and was covered with tiny, sparkling drops of dew. Fenqua swallowed, it was Nimlin. She had a severe look in her eyes, like she was about to lecture her. Weak as she was in her presence, Fenqua lowered her ears in fear and bowed in respect. Suddenly her head was hit by something that felt like a rock. Without mercy, Nimlin’s hoof had landed on her forehead, leaving tears in her eyes.
‘You foolish doe!’ Nimlin shouted. ‘You’ll never become a leader if you go on like this. I can see you fear me and that’s wrong! That’s submissive behavior, I can not tolerate that!’
‘B-But…’ Fenqua’s stammering seemed to make her even madder.
‘You worthless piece of a deer!’
Fenqua started crying, she just couldn’t help herself. The worst thing her caretaker had done was breaking her confidence. Every mean word she said felt like sharp antlers piercing right through her. Quickly she turned around and started running, even though she knew it was useless. She just hoped Nimlin wouldn’t follow her.

‘Nimlin, what the hell are you doing?’ A grey, old stag appeared from behind a tree. ‘Your not treating that child fair, she didn’t choose to live with you.’
‘It’s just training, I’m preparing her for leadership.’
‘Does she want to be a leader?’
‘She has the right character. Strong, independent and always looking out for others.’
‘But still she collapses every time you approach her.’
‘That’s the point, there’s no way I can get that out.’
‘You won’t if you continue like this. You’re feeding her fear for you. That’s the consequence of your harsh training. She feels better than anyone, except you. She respects and fears you, because you are her leader. And not a nice one either.’
‘Harsh training is needed to reach perfection.’
‘Nobody has ever reached perfection, so why would you?’
‘I’m not going to be perfect, Fenqua is.’
‘That poor fawn is already scarred for life, she will never be a normal deer. Neither will she be a good leader. And that’s all your fault, because she had quite the capability.’
‘To hell with you!’ Nimlin shouted and she swiftly left him. The old stag sighed and watched her disappear behind the hills. He thought he and his mate had done a good job raising her. She hadn’t always been like this. Nimlin wasn’t the type to have a short temper. She used to be a quiet and cheerful deer, that enjoyed bathing in the sun and racing against the young stags. Now there was only one thing on her mind, preparing the young doe Fenqua for leadership. Or for hell, he thought.

Still sobbing, Fenqua lay down by the pond. She stared at the last blooming poppies and decided to nibble on the flowers. After that, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

‘Fen! Look at me, I’m a mushroom!’ A young fawn shouted happily. He was carrying a giant, red mushroom on his head. Fenqua laughed and yelled: ‘Well, you look pretty eatable to me! I better watch out if I were you!’
‘I hope not, you have only one best friend. It would be a shame to waste me like that!’
‘You’re right, but you still look delicious.’
He smiled and threw of the mushroom to nuzzle her. Happily she nuzzled back and gave him a small kiss on his forehead. He blushed and quickly turned around. Suddenly Fenqua heard him screaming, the kiss was burning like a mark on his forehead. ‘What did you do to me?’ he screamed, looking terrified at Fenqua.
‘I…I didn’t do anything!’
‘You hurt me Fenqua. I’ll never forgive you for this!’ His whole body was burning and he was slowly turning to ash. ‘NOOO!’ Fenqua cried and she shouted his name.
‘Don’t leave me! I’m sorry!’

‘Hello?’ A shy, cute voice woke her from her dream. Fenqua opened her eyes and sprang up. A small fawn, only a few weeks old, looked at her with her big, brown eyes. Fenqua smiled when she saw the scared look on the fawn’s face and nuzzled her. ‘Don’t worry, little one. I was only dreaming.’
‘Oh… okay.’ The fawn smiled carefully.
‘What’s your name?’
‘That’s a pretty name! Were you born in a patch of blueberries?’
The fawn looked surprised. ‘How do you know?’
‘Because your name means blueberry. It’s one of my favorites.’
‘And what is your name?’
‘My name is Fenqua, nice to meet you Twyla.’
Twyla nodded. ‘What does your name mean, Fenqua?’
‘My beautiful bright eyes…’
Fenqua suddenly went silent and looked at the grass. A small ladybird was trying to reach the top of a purple flower. Thinking about her name made Fenqua sad, it reminded her of the two deer that had come up with it. Her parents.
‘Fenqua? Are you still there?’ The little fawn asked.
‘Sorry Twyla, I don’t know what my name means. I haven’t really got the chance to ask. My parents died when I was only a few days old.’
Twyla lowered her ears. ‘I’m sorry Fenqua.’
‘It’s okay, it’s not your fault. You didn’t know. Well, maybe someday I’ll find out. Or maybe someone else is able to tell me. Anyway, let’s play!’
‘Okay!’ Twyla immediately lightened up and started to run around Fenqua in circles. Fenqua laughed and tried to catch the little one. Even though she was quite fast for a fawn, she still had to get a bit used to running, so Fenqua caught her within seconds. She tagged her and ran away herself. She didn’t run at full speed, so the fawn still had a chance to tag her. And that’s how they played along for a little while, until Twyla heard her mother calling. The friendly doe thanked Fenqua for playing with her daughter and soon she was left alone again. But that didn’t matter, Twyla’s pure innocence had chased away her worries. Even if it was only for a little while.


Sorry if there are mistakes, I'll get those out later!

Oh, by the way, text like this is usually a dream. Short ones are usually memories.
Verdalas's picture

*Steals first comment

*Steals first comment again*

Moar! Fenqua is such an adorable thing. Walter would have loved for his kiddies to all be like that! (Some of them were right pains the £!%@$!)
Click the eggies, save a life!
Fenqua's picture

Awww, thank you ^^ Well,

Awww, thank you ^^ Well, Fenqua is a nice girl, but her scars are going to affect her character soon. And she is angry at the moment, so you'll see another side of her Eye

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul

poor fenqua, thats awesome

poor fenqua, thats awesome MOAR/MORE
Fenqua's picture

I like drama XD Thanks! To

I like drama XD Thanks!

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
Kanaf's picture

its even better the second

its even better the second time! please write more, I WANNA SEE WUT HAPPENZ *dies*

im sorry, its 5 AM right now and i cant sleep *foams* XD
Fenqua's picture

You're always up so late, it

You're always up so late, it surprises me XD You need to get some sleep hun!

But thanks a lot ^^ Can you help me with something? I need a name for her so called best friend, have any ideas? I saw in your story you're pretty good with names!

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
Kanaf's picture

i know, i totally screwed up

i know, i totally screwed up my sleeping pattern already XD i actually slept at like 12 and woke up at 3... and here i am! XDD

oh dang, you know for a second the first time i read it i thought you were talking about Skokeybear XDDD (yeah right, i should count myself so lucky *shot*) no, disregard those last comments XD hmmm... well it would help if i knew the deers personality (even though Skokey means skull... but i didnt know that til later)
Fenqua's picture

Well, I actually meant him

Well, I actually meant him at first. But I didn't ask you for permission so I was a little afraid to tell. It could be him if you want to, I wanted to portray Fen's feelings during the many months he was gone ^^;

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
Kanaf's picture

oh, love, you didnt really

oh, love, you didnt really need to ask permission Laughing out loud i wouldnt mind one bit if you did <3333

you know, i might wait a little before writing chapter 11 to see more about Fenqua's feelings Smiling
Fenqua's picture

Thank you for letting me

Thank you for letting me borrow him XD I'll take good care of him!

You don't have to wait for me! It might take months! (no kidding, but maybe a few days XD)
'Cause this weekend I'm going to be busy with other things and I have to work in about 3 hours.

But I can start now, haven't got anything else to do. And writing this is fuuuun XD Especially because I make most things up while writing.

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
Kanaf's picture

well yeah but chapter 11 is

well yeah but chapter 11 is gonna be all about how Fenqua told Skokey how much she was worried and blah blah blah *doesnt want to spoil it too soon* yeah, ill send you a copy anyway i guess XD

i know! thats probably the best way to write it! except you may write something really stupid and once you think of something better, people have already read it XDD
Fenqua's picture

Well, my other *big* story

Well, my other *big* story has a plot written out. It can be better, but sometimes it's a bit boring because you already planned what's going to happen. I guess I'll have to add some twists to it.

Lol, I'll never post anything stupid XD I always read it a few times myself, to see if it sounds right ^^

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
Kanaf's picture

see now thats the way to go.

see now thats the way to go. my fatal flaw is that i proofread as i go, and sometimes my judgement isnt that great ^^;;; so if i write something stupid but it sounds good to me at the time, ill post it XD
Fenqua's picture

Well, I haven't seen you

Well, I haven't seen you writing anything stupid yet XD

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul

To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul