Hey guys, it's been a long time...

First off I'd like to apologize to anyone I've hurt in the past. I know it's a little long, but if you'll bear with me and listen/read, I will explain why I was, and sometimes still am, so bitter.

It all started going downhill in 2007, well, 2002 is when it all started, but I was in high school and enjoyed all my days there. But when I graduated, shit got thrown into perspective. I graduated in 2007 and we had rescued a German Shepherd. My mom took him for a walk one day and got attacked by two large Golden Retrievers and got yet another concussion (her first was in 2002 which forced her to retire from work). Surgery after surgery was done and we started losing a lot of money. Eventually the lawyer handling our case pussied out and the case was closed. Plus with both parents out of work, I am the only person in this household employed right now, and I have a minimum wage job. I was a supervisor, for a time, at my work, but butting heads with the other supervisor (who always had an attitude problem and didn't care for me very much), caused me to step down because of all the stress. And then, starting college that same year, I felt so lost, confused, no one would help me with all this, and my grades were slipping.

Well, in the three years in between, my mom's health and my health got worse. In February 2008 I was diagnosed with Prolactinoma, which means I have a small brain tumor. I was also diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis making me dependent on medications for the rest of my life. And then, after passing out three times within two years, they diagnosed me with Vasovagal depression, which means I can pass out being in a high stress or high heat environment. And then, just last year, which leads me to my anger issues, is that I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, meaning I get severe pain at random times and it often hinders my work and my life. Work was something I no longer enjoyed, it was an endurance match to see how long I would last while having the most horrendous pain that I'd need to rest for two days to recuperate from a 6 hour shift. The doctor put me on a medication that would control it, called Lyrica. My mom was on Lyrica for her Fibromyalgia but she had to be taken off because she would get angry and go crazy at even the slightest annoyance.... the last straw was when she almost got in a fist fight with a random lady at the park. I thought I would be different. I wasn't. I started losing friends left and right because I would fly off the handle at something so small. Even my friends who stuck with me for many years, noticed that I was quick to get angry. My mom's state of affairs wasn't helping either. Every now and then, at least twice a month, she gets angry for no reason, screaming at me and my stepdad for something asinine. She won't even let my stepfather talk to his own son because she hates him. The last time we went on a road trip together, she screamed at us for walking because apparently the sound of us walking upstairs was annoying to her. I am trying, really trying to not be like her. I am failing. I don't want to be like her, she has all but very few friends left, and she cant grasp the concept of differing opinions anymore. I try to keep myself distant.
I'm weaning off this medication that made me a monster. I realized that I have a problem. This place was therapy for me, and I hope to come back to be at peace once again.

To SarieBearie, I'm so sorry I've acted like a bitchy ex-girlfriend type against your decisions involving Vipin. I do hope you are well, and I understand if you don't want to speak with me.

To Pegasicorn: I am also sorry for causing a lot of trouble within the community. I do hope you forgive me.

To anyone else that I may have forgotten, I apologize as well.

I realize that I created something when I was here, I conjured my muse, Heliosphere. He's not just a deer, his human form is a part of me, its more primal emotions and he is connected to my soul in many ways. It took this community to bring his visual form out. So thank you. Thank you Michael and Auriea, and thank you everyone for (somewhat) tolerating me. I do hope that this time I may come to heal, mend burned bridges, and make more friends as I return to the Endless Forest.

Thank you for reading,

--Blackfeathr