Resurrection - Part III | The Endless Forest

"...old habits, stupid old habits."

"Deer…
... so many deer.

I couldn’t remember when I saw so many deer in one place the last time.

I hid in the shadow of the willows near the pond.
I saw them.
Heard them.

Their voices, their laughter.
I could see their happiness.

They danced in the light, enjoyed themselves with their friends… their loves…

… I sat in the shadow, watching the crowd, watching their happiness.
There it was.
The difference.

Light, shadow.

I am not part of their world.

What a fool I was to come here.
May the gods gave me this new name, this new body… in the end I didn’t change… I could still feel the antipathy… I still could feel the gap between them… and me.

This big crown, I won’t enter it.
No way.

Light and shadow... a shadow dies in the light.

I was a fool to come here.
I am still the monster I was…
… nothing will change that. Nothing.

Someone left the crowd… approached me.
I turned my head.

It was Night Shade.
Of course.

I could feel my heart beat.
She looked at me, slightly confused.

Did she recognize me?

She nodded… a smile?
A knowing smile.

I smiled back.
She knows.

I wanted to dance…

This was the right time
This was the right place…
... to dance

Someone gave me back my old pelt when I slept near the pond… the magpie pelt.
Also my old antlers, and a mask.

I think I know who it was.

We danced…
We kept aloof from the crowd at first.
My movements were clumsy… but after some time I felt a little more secure.

I always looked down at this wild and lively way of dancing of the pthetics…
… I never noticed how much fun it was.

I laughed…
… she laughed.

What a wonderful feeling.

Suddenly I wished this dance would never end.

Later we moved into the crowd, I got a little nervous. Night Shade recognized me…. What about them?

The laughter, the movements, the music… they laughed, they moved… and we laughed and moved with them.
I laughed with them.
I was part of their world…

A shadow dies in the light…

My lungs started to hurt… I was exhausted.
I seemed Night Shade didn’t feel better.

We left the dancing crowd.

She sat down.
By habit I asked her if I was allowed to take place beside her.
She looked at me… tilted her head… and burst out with laughter.
Tears ran down her face… I took a few moments until she calmed down again.

I was a little embarrassed and grinned a little silly…

… stupid old habits.

We sat there together.

I could feel her by my side.
I could feel my heart.

I could hear her heart.

I wished this day would never end.

… the gods didn’t tell me if they will let me keep this new body…
… they said, I need to forgot my old longings.
Yes… that were nearly the same words they told me when they punished me.

This was a second chance.

I turned my head slightly and watched her.
… all I need is to give up the beauty…

I turned my head again… and watched the crowd… their sparkling masks…
… but... all those precious treasures… and those careless deer that wear them… damage them… desecrate them…

I wrinkled my nose and looked at Night Shade again.

Suddenly I could feel it… it struck my heart… it struck my mind…

The most beautiful and precious treasure here was not a mask.

I started to smile at her.
She looked a little confused.

”What’s up?”

”Errrr…”

I cleared my throat

”Nothing… ah.. eh, do you want to dance again…?”
Suddenly I was very nervous.

Fortunately this nervousness vanished during our dance…

… again we laughed a lot…

…again I wished it would never end…

… but it had to end.

We left the crowd again.

Near the pond she said goodbye.

I wanted to say something... but I couldn’t. For some reasons I couldn’t control my tongue.
… instead of using many pathetic words… I simply nuzzled her.

I think... it was the first ‘true’ nuzzle I gave her.

I watched her leaving, then I left the ball myself.

For some reasons I had a light feeling in my chest.
I couldn’t remember what it may was… or if I had felt it before…
… but it was…

… it was a pleasant feeling.

My hooves felt light so I started to hop and jump.

… I always frowned on this when the worthless did so…
.. maybe things do change?

I saw one sleeping deer in the distant.

By habit I approached it… just... just to have a short view on its mask…
… when I saw her face, my heart nearly stopped.

It was that doe with the butterfly mask…
… that doe, I met a few days ago.
That one, that woke up...

I licked my lips.
The pleasant feeling started to vanish…
… another feeling rose.

… old habits…

… stupid old habits…"

Part IV