[[I talk to God but the sky is empty.]]

Warning for mentions of religion, homophobia, and abuse.



toyhouse

Daniel
Scent. Twenty-nine.
2019-03-10. Older Adolescent.
Boar, deer influence.

Gay and conflicted about it because he doesn’t think he should feel that way which causes him to lash out. Can be seen constantly bullying other guys, especially those that show affection and care to one another, and often uses homophobic slurs which is kind of indicative; ashamed of who he is so he is using that terminology to lash out and project some of that onto others. In actuality, he is a scared boi conflicted of his own sexuality due to his zealot father. Raised by a Christian Pastor and possibly leader of a cult has left him with little room to grow as he has been told how to live his life since he was born and had taught him all his life that feeling attracted to his own sex is abnormal and shameful. Thus, causing him to spout hateful comments towards others; scared to be “too close” to his own sex for fear of being labeled as “queer” or “gay.” He is afraid to be seen as a good boi in the eyes of others, seeing it as a sign of weakness like his father sees homosexuality as weakness. There are two main emotions that he seemingly feel most of the time: anger and apathy. Anyone that tries to emotionally connect with him are usually met with hostility or indifference. It drives many to believe he is a simple, ignorant creature who has no feelings or emotional intelligence, but that isn’t true. Forced to abide closely to the traditional male gender role, to restrict his emotions and focus on toughness and aggression, something negative happened to his emotional development. He does not know how to handle emotions at all—his or anyone else’s. So he became emotionally stunted, angry, and apathetic.

• Shuts down when loved ones express anger or frustration.
• Turns to alcohol or movies/shows when he doesn’t know how to deal with something sad.
• Lashes out in anger when criticized or confronted because he doesn’t know another way to handle the feelings of guilt, shame or embarrassment.

Although he has doubts about his religion and its conflicting messages regarding the morality of his sexuality, he is usually religious. Bruises can often be found on him, could be an indication that he is physically abused by his father, or that he fights with others often, or both.


IC. Damage always accounted for.
Bio art by Qanat.

boi

boi