5.1.10 - The Diary of Friiha

Apparanza's picture
May.1.2010


I wonder who died.

They say when someone dies, the heavens cry.


Their tears is what we call rain.


I didn't want to feel the angels' tears. So I went out to search for shelter, and remembered the Great Oak. That would be perfect.

I only hoped there wasn't anyone else there.
Although it would be illogical to think so.
I couldn't possibly be the only one wanting shelter.


As I neared the huge tree, I did see others inside. Luckily there were only two.


I peeked in from the side, watching the doe. She was surprised to see my head through the bark

- I can go t h r o u g h trees, you know -


but I came in when she sat back down. Her name was Isiel... what a pretty name.


I didn't know who the sleeping stag she was lying next to was, though. It didn't matter to me.

Within moments of lying down, two fawns entered the Oak. I watched them warily, but didn't get up.


When the stag entered the Oak though, I stood.
I didn't know what he was going to do.
I never know what any of them are going to do.


He came up to me.
I tensed up - my limbs were locked. I couldn't move.
I couldn't e s c a p e--

He, ignoring my fear, nuzzled me.


And that set me off.
I ran out of the Oak.


I looked over my shoulder to see if he was following, but no.
He stared after me with no emotion.
I couldn't see what was going on inside his head.
I was afraid to know.

But I wanted to know. I always have to know.


So I slowly came back once I saw him lie down. I circled around to the opposite corner of the Oak and prepared to lie down.


HESTOODUPREALLYFAST
ANDHECHARGEDATME
IWANTEDTOSCREAM
OHHOWIWANTEDTO S C R E A M


I ran as fast as I could, but he was chasing me!
I looked over my shoulder and he was running after me


I was looking behind me at him, not worrying about running into trees.


I can go through trees, you know.

We ran and ran and ran andranandrananndddrrraaaannnn


When suddenly I felt only air beneath my hooves


ANDI F E L L
|D
|O
|W
vN

into the river.


I gasped, but shouldn't have.
Water flooded into my lungs.


The rain pelting into the river prevented the stag to see me, combined with my dark colors and the moody, stormy atmosphere. He walked along the edges of the river for a few moments before retreating, and I thought I was going to
d i e.

I shot up to the surface, gasping for breath while coughing and throwing up water. I dragged myself out of the river and lied on the bank, never feeling so miserable.
It was so c o l d . . .


I finally got the energy to stand up. I was so cold... I was shaking uncontrollably and it made it difficult to move but I tried anyway.


I sensed Ravyn's pictogram and immediately went forward after it.
It seemed like an eternity since I had last seen her...

I finally saw her. She was with Saosin... his antlers never cease to amaze me.


I didn't go up to her right away.
I just watched.
I observed.


She moved to the left, and I followed parallel. She moved to the right, and I followed parallel. I didn't get closer, I didn't go away.

I copied her movements and didn't know why.
I ceased thinking.
I was just t h e r e.


I then sensed another familiar pictogram, and stopped.
I looked behind me and Esll was there.


I smiled and went forward to greet him, but then

THESTAGWHOWANTEDTOMURDERME
HE.SAW.ME.THERE.
ANDHECHARGEDTOWARDSME
GOINGAMILLIONMILESPERSECOND


I started shaking. I darted behind Esll, staring at the stranger from behind the butterfly-pelted stag, dreadfully frightened. Was he going to hurt Esll?


All Esll did was stare at the stranger, and the murdererkillerstalkernightmare stag left.

I was safe.
Thank you, Esll.


Once the unknown stag left, Esll trotted towards Ravyn and Saosin, who had neared when Esll stood in front of me. I followed gleefully, hopping in C I R C L E S around them all.


I missed Ravyn so much.
Saosin too.
Nothing feels right when they aren't there.

I stayed with them for a short while when I sensed Umay and Kody.


I bolted towards them.


It took a little while to find them but I did, and nearly ran into Kody when trying to stop. I cheerfully nuzzled him in greeting but he started backing a w a y from m e . . . ? !

I stopped and stared at him in shock.
He didn't know me?
He didn't remember who I was?


I slowly looked towards Umay.
She seemed to remember me.


I looked back at Kody.
He stared at me from far off.
Unregistering.
Unknowing.

HOWCOULDYOUFORGETMEAFTERWHATYOUDIDFORME
I'LLMAKESUREYOUNEVERFORGETME E V E R AGAIN


I ran away.


I wanted to go back to Ravyn, Saosin, and Esll.

But I couldn't move.


I saw her.


She stared at me.

I stared back at her.


She faded away.


And so did I.

Friiha's diaries are amazing

Friiha's diaries are amazing to read, I love your style so much, like how you space letters out/join them alltogether and use capitals, it makes you feel her emotion and that's something I admire, because I can't do that at all. LOL
I loveloveloveloved reading this.<33 8D
day4's picture

I agree with Pink. Her

I agree with Pink. Her diaryies are amazing to read. <3

Awwwwww your writing is

Awwwwww your writing is amazing!
I love love love it 8DDDD!
<3333

It was actually my fault Kody backed away since I forgot Friiha's picto, sorry! DDDX
Tally's picture

I love reading these too,

I love reading these too, shes so dramatic and the way you write out the paniced or really emotional thoughts are amazing. (x
Fincayra's picture

This was so much fun to read.

This was so much fun to read. <3 I adore your writing style. I can feel Friiha's emotions each time.

Beautiful, I love your

Beautiful, I love your writing style.
Apparanza's picture

@Saffie: Ffff thank you SO

@Saffie: Ffff thank you SO much ;A;<333 Yeah, changing the style like that really helps to convey the emotions she's feeling. This is how her mind works, complex, haunting, intelligent, disconnected from reality...
and I want to do my best to help others reading these feel that way too.
Aww, thank you sososo much <333333333

@Day4: You are just too sweet~!! Thank you so much <333

@Star: YOUR FACE IS AMAZING.
<33333333333333
LOL it's totally fine, but now he has to suffer the consequences 8D<333

@Tally: She is an exaggerated form of me - when I get really panicked/emotional my thoughts get all jumbled together or spaced out and sometimes I just get so overwhelmed that I cease thinking and just do. It's weird. I've kept a diary that I unconsciously write in whenever I get in one of my 'state of minds' and I read it when I'm conscious again. They all look like these diary entries xD

@Fin: Yay~!! 8D Thank you SO much Fin, I'm so glad you enjoyed this <333 Feeling Friiha's emotions... that's exactly what I want. I'm so glad (:

@Midnight: Your comment means so much <3

By Leuvr
Reyy's picture

Amazing. Especially the very

Amazing. Especially the very ending. It makes me feel like... Like I'm about to fall.

" And so did I "

Like I'm on an edge of some sort after reading this. <3
Apparanza's picture

I feel stupid saying this,

I feel stupid saying this, but after I finished writing it, I felt paranoid like I was about to disappear. I didn't let myself let go of anything until I was forced to when we had to leave for someplace and I got this overwhelming feeling of relief when everything around me stayed the same.
Thank you so much as always, Ravyn <3 I always enjoy your comments so much.

By Leuvr
Reyy's picture

(No subject)

<3
The emotions behind words are powerful.
Sometimes when you write something, you put so much into it that you actually feel whatever it is your writing about... or even become it for a moment.

I enjoy reading your stuff because I feel like you put a lot into it... And it's eerie. (:
Apparanza's picture

Definitely @.@ That happens

Definitely @.@
That happens all the time with me, but I don't want to stop writing no matter what state of mind I get into afterwards. I actually keep a diary with the opposite - I'm already in a strange set of mind, and in that state I write. When I become 'conscious' later on, I read it and don't remember writing it. A lot of the entries are formatted the way Friiha's are - that's why I write Friiha's that way (:

I really do. It takes such a long time to complete... I don't understand why I'm so slow, the minutes just pass me by... but it's always worth it.
Eerie. Just the way I like it. Playing with the psychological parts of the mind.
<3

By Leuvr
ocean's picture

Yay, another entry! ^^ *pets

Yay, another entry! ^^
*pets Friiha*
These are eerie, which is fun. For some reason, they also give her a very specific voice (as in, I can really hear the way she talks, at least in her head).
Apparanza's picture

Yeah, it had been a while

Yeah, it had been a while x.x;
@.@
xD
I'm so glad you think so~!! That's really what I try so hard to do. To get the readers to hear her, feel what she's feeling... all this positive feedback really makes me feel like I've accomplished that. Thank you so much, Ocean <3

By Leuvr